Marvel: A Lazy-Ass Superman Chapter 850: Troubles One, Two, and Three

Henry naturally had no intention of bothering with the people lying on the ground.

If someone could be reasoned with through the law, he was willing to sit down and discuss the law with them patiently. But when he encountered street punks who couldn’t be reasoned with through the law, he didn’t mind using his fists to defend his own rights.

This wasn’t discrimination against the lower classes or sucking up to the elites. It wasn’t a matter of beating up poor people while shrinking away from the rich. It was simply a matter of speaking one language to people and another to ghosts when circumstances left him no other choice.

If he could have sat down with a bunch of street punks who pointed guns at people and calmly discussed legal rights, wrongs, and moral shortcomings, why would he have knocked them all to the ground?

See? He had even been mistaken for the perpetrator by the little spider.

Carefully avoiding the people sleeping on the ground, Henry grabbed Sky from the end of the alley by the collar and hauled her out.

“Come on. We’re going home. Today’s lesson is to not hang around outside after school. If something happens, remember to call the police. It’s not like I haven’t bought you a phone.”

Being hauled out by the back of her collar was somewhat humiliating to Sky’s dignity, but right now she had only one thing on her mind.

“Are you going to the meeting place they mentioned to find out who wants to capture me?

“Could it be my biological parents? Maybe they’re actually some mafia boss, and that’s why their people are looking for me this way. If I go there, I might finally reunite with them.”

Henry looked down at the girl in his hand with undisguised disdain.

“I don’t mind you looking for your biological parents, but at least use your brain when you do it. Listen to what you just said. What kind of third-rate plot from a ninth-rate novel is that?”

“Maybe I’m actually the princess of some tiny European country? How dare you, you insolent commoner, stop me from returning to my roots… Ah, no, I mean stop this princess from returning to the royal family.”

…

“I’m not even going to ask where you heard those ridiculous ideas. Daydreaming is fine, but don’t say the contents of your dreams out loud. It’s embarrassing.”

“Ah! I just remembered. How did you know to come help me? I didn’t call home for help, and nobody here called the police either. Don’t tell me you…”

“Hello, emergency services? This is Spider-Man.”

The big one and the little one stared at each other after Spider-Man picked up a mobile phone from the ground and made the call.

Henry pointed at the miraculous Nokia 3310 in Spider-Man’s hand.

“Yeah, that’s my phone.”

Phones in this era didn’t contain that much private information, so they were rarely locked. Anyone who picked one up could use it.

Realizing that all eyes were now on him, the little spider looked slightly embarrassed.

“Um, I called an ambulance for these people. I can’t just leave them like this.”

“Remember to give it back when you’re finished.”

Henry had no intention of interfering with Spider-Man’s decision. He merely reminded him to return the phone.

Sky, however, suddenly bristled like an angry cat and shouted at Spider-Man.

“Call the police for me! This creep is a pervert and a stalker.

“He put some kind of tracking device on me and monitors my movements twenty-four hours a day. That’s a violation of human rights and a deprivation of human freedom!”

Sky’s accusation immediately made the little spider tense up. He looked nervously at the other man, clearly preparing to take action.

Helpless, Henry had to explain himself to prevent a misunderstanding. At the same time, he casually planted a hand on Sky’s head.

“I’m her guardian. You’re not seriously expecting me to sit around waiting until something irreversible happens, only to cry afterward and blame myself for failing to protect her, are you?”

Sky knocked away the hand messing up her hair and shouted unhappily, “Why would I need a guardian? I don’t need a guardian! I don’t need anyone protecting me, and I’m definitely not going to let anything irreversible happen.”

Henry’s hand was knocked away, only to immediately return to her head. He played with Sky as though the two were children.

“Heh. Sounds nice when you say it like that. If I hadn’t come today, what could you have done against that many men?”

“I could have handled them! Thena taught me lots of ways to beat people up! I could’ve knocked them all down one by one!”

Sky kept struggling against the strange hand on her head, full of resentment. She had completely forgotten what she had originally wanted to do.

“Spider-Man, you tell him. Do you believe what she’s saying?”

The innocent little spider instinctively shook his head.

That only made Sky even more annoyed. She frantically messed up her already disheveled hair and shouted at New York’s friendly neighborhood hero.

“Why are you shaking your head when this has nothing to do with you?”

The sheer look on her face, as though she were about to pounce on Spider-Man and bite him to death, completely stunned the little spider. He couldn’t even get out a single retort.

Fortunately, Henry had hold of Sky by the back of her collar. He picked up the girl’s bicycle and gradually dragged her farther away.

Even Spider-Man was left dumbfounded by the entire farce. He had no idea whether he should step in to stop them or simply let them leave.

Just as they were about to leave the alley, Henry suddenly turned around and pointed at the little spider.

“Are you finished with my phone?”

“Oh, yes, sir.”

After hurriedly finishing his call with the emergency dispatcher and explaining the situation, Spider-Man walked over to Henry and handed the phone back.

Seeing him simply hand it over without even confirming whether Henry was actually the owner, Henry could only conclude that this spider was still far too green.

He restrained his bad habit of playing the teacher. The lessons people truly learned were the ones they experienced themselves after running headfirst into a wall.

Dragging Sky along, Henry waved goodbye to this little spider monster. He had absolutely no desire to get to know him any better.

Peter Parker’s life was simply too full of disasters. Henry had no intention of taking on a godson and spending every day cleaning up after him.

He wasn’t Tony Stark, after all, the sucker who was always willing to foot the bill.

…

Looking down at the girl he was dragging along, who was kicking his lower leg with the soles of her shoes hard enough to make a solid thumping sound, Henry seriously considered whether he should simply release Shockwave Girl into the wild.

The girl didn’t have as much karmic baggage surrounding her as the little spider, but she was still a major trouble magnet.

When Henry and Sky returned home, they immediately saw a familiar face with both arms wrapped around Kitty’s neck, rubbing half her face against the “tabby cat’s” cheek.

“Ah, Kitty really is the best.”

It was Gwen Stacy, another troublesome character, and one whose karmic ties to the Marvel universe ran deep.

“Kate, I’m back. Gwen, you’re here. Ah, Kitty, give me the left side!”

Sky tossed her backpack full of books aside and ran to the other side of the “tabby cat,” imitating Gwen and rubbing herself against Kitty’s massive head.

With Shockwave Girl on the left and Spider-Gwen on the right, Kitty was receiving treatment worthy of a protagonist.

The “tabby cat,” however, wore an unmistakably disgusted expression and clearly wanted to run but couldn’t. Give it a tigress or a slab of raw meat—either would be preferable to having these two girls paw all over it.

Seeing the bearded Kryptonian return, Gwen complained while continuing to rub herself against Kitty.

“Ah, Henry, you know what? All the little animals in the lab hide from me. Every time I run an experiment, it’s like playing hide-and-seek. It’s such a hassle.

“I’ve even thought about getting a pet, but whether I go to a pet store or an animal shelter, all the cats and dogs there hide from me too. They don’t want to come near me. Ah, I’m so helpless. Only Kitty is the best.”

Girl, do you want to listen to what you’re saying?

Have you ever considered that the reason all those little animals hate you is precisely because of what you’re doing right now?

Covered in a tiger’s scent, and you still expect those little animals to mistake you for a harmless two-legged creature?