My Scumbag System Chapter 446: Five Hickeys and a Funeral

Spot on.

Aspirin was a must. Or maybe an exorcism.

"Satori." Natalia rose to her feet, striding over with her signature hip-swaying poise for driving home arguments. "Your mother is perceptive. She’ll know something happened between us."

"She already knows." I held her gaze. "We had that conversation, remember?"

"She knows about me." Natalia’s palm pressed against my chest, directly over my heart. "But the others are new variables."

"So what do you want me to do about it?"

"Act normal. Don’t let them climb all over you in front of her." She shot a look at the other four. "Kimiko’s not stupid. She’ll see through obvious attempts at seduction."

"I wasn’t planning on seducing anyone in front of my mother."

"Good." Natalia patted my chest. "Because if you did, I’d kill you."

"Your priorities are showing."

"I’m aware."

Emi materialized at my other side, clutching dish soap with fierce resolve. "I’m making cookies. Chocolate chip. The good kind with the chunks, not chips."

"She’ll love that."

"You think so?" Emi’s face lit up right away.

"Emi." I placed a hand on her shoulder. "They’re going to love you. You’re impossible not to love."

Her whole face flushed crimson. The antennae nearly buzzed with energy.

From behind her, Skylar let out a gagging noise.

"What about me?" Akari swaggered closer, wedging herself between Natalia and Emi. "Do I get reassurance too? Or is that reserved for the criers?"

"You don’t need reassurance." I met her eyes straight on. "You’d seduce my mother just to prove you could."

"True." Her grin sharpened wickedly. "But I’d succeed. That’s the difference."

Natalia’s eye twitched.

Celeste stood from her place by the window, gliding over with that innate regal grace she couldn’t suppress. She halted before me, keeping a precise distance.

"I won’t embarrass you." Her periwinkle eyes remained firm. Intense. "I know how to behave at family functions."

"You’re not a political asset here." I grasped her hand. Squeezed it once. "Just be Cel."

Her breath hitched.

Across the room, Natalia’s face darkened threateningly.

"Right." Celeste retreated gracefully. "Just Cel. I can do that."

"Liar," Skylar whispered from her corner.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Just agreeing with your flawless plan."

I found myself encircled by chaos and violence disguised in beautiful faces.

Braxton staggered from his office in yesterday’s rumpled clothes, his coffee mug reeking of whiskey. He scanned the gathered mayhem, glanced at me, then back at the mayhem.

"Your parents are coming."

"Yeah."

"And you told them."

"Just now."

"They’re panicking."

"Little bit."

He swigged deeply from his mug. "Good luck with that."

Then he retreated into his office and closed the door.

Helpful as ever.

"Everyone split up." I gestured to various spots. "Raphael, Jaime, get the training equipment out of the hallway. Marco, Malachi, check the bathrooms. Jacob, hide anything that looks like conspiracy evidence. Hikari, stop bouncing and help your sister with whatever she’s doing."

The room burst into motion.

Everyone except the five women clustered around me.

They stayed put.

"What?" I eyed each one. "You need assignments too?"

"We’re staying with you." Natalia’s voice brooked no debate. "Safety in numbers."

"That’s not how that phrase works."

"It is now."

Emi seized my arm. "I need to know what your mom likes. Favorite foods. Colors. Hobbies. Allergies. Pet peeves. Political leanings—"

"She likes normal things. Red. Cooking. None that I know of. Loud chewing. And she doesn’t talk politics."

"That’s not enough information!" Emi whipped out her phone and typed furiously. "Does she prefer tea or coffee? Sweet or savory? Formal or casual conversation?"

"Coffee. Both. Casual."

"What about topics to avoid?"

I recalled Kimiko finding Natalia and me together. Her warnings. The way she’d stared at me that morning, unsure of who I’d become.

"Just don’t mention relationships. Or Gates. Or anything dangerous."

"So we lie about our entire lives?" Skylar shoved away from the wall. "Great start."

"We redirect." Celeste’s political savvy activated. "When she asks about school, we discuss academics. When she asks about training, we focus on safety protocols. When she asks about Satori—"

"We tell her he’s amazing and perfect and definitely not sleeping with five girls simultaneously." Akari’s grin radiated mischief. "Easy."

Natalia whirled on her with blinding speed that nearly escaped my notice.

"If you tell Kimiko anything—"

"Relax, Ice Queen." Akari brushed her off with a wave. "I know how this works. We’re all friends. Teammates. Nothing weird happening here."

"Exactly." Emi nodded with enthusiasm. "Just friends enjoying a regular Sunday."

"In matching hickeys," Skylar chimed in.

Hands flew to necks all around.

That aspirin couldn’t come soon enough.

"Get dressed. Actually dressed. Cover the evidence. Look presentable." I made for the stairs. "We have two hours."

"Where are you going?" Natalia shouted behind me.

"To hide the catgirl in my room before she sparks an international incident."

"The what now?"

I stayed silent.

Upstairs, Maki had shifted back to human form and sprawled naked on my bed once more, checking her nails as if she ruled the space.

"Your shirt fell off." I threw it toward her.

"Oops." She snatched it mid-air but left it off. "So when do I meet everyone? I heard voices. Lots of voices. Girl voices mostly. One purple one sounded scary. I like scary."

"You’re staying hidden until my parents leave."

"But I want to meet your mom!" She sprang up with a clear bounce, her dual tails sweeping in broad, excited sweeps behind her like chaotic pendulums fueled by wild energy. "I’ll be so good, Master. Good. The goodest I’ve ever been in all my existence. You won’t even notice I’m here."

"You said those exact words ten minutes ago," I replied flatly, "and I still don’t believe you. Even less now, in fact."

"Rude." She pulled an over-the-top pout of injured pride, then at last yanked the shirt over her head and forced her arms into the sleeves. It concealed almost nothing, but it counted as progress. "Fine. I’ll stay up here like a perfectly behaved familiar and absolutely won’t sneak down to greet your super nice-sounding mother."

"Deal."

"But you owe me tuna when this is over." She raised one finger. "The good kind. Not the sad, water-packed stuff from a tin. The good kind."

"Fine."

A second finger rose to join it. "And pets. Behind the ears. Extended session. No skimping."

"We’ll see."

Those fingers remained up. A third joined them, her face turning languid and intentional—that half-lidded, sultry gaze she wielded like a secret weapon. "And another punishment." The term dropped with calculated impact, honed for maximum effect. Her hazel-gold eyes sparkled, cat-like pupils expanding with playful intent. "I was extraordinarily bad earlier. Someone ought to handle that right. Thoroughly. At great length."

"Later," I said.

"Promise?"

I strode across the room, leaned in, and rubbed firmly behind her ears.

Purring burst forth right away, uncontrollable and shockingly loud—a powerful, echoing vibration that shook her petite body and made the empty glass on my desk clatter.

Her eyes turned dreamy, tails curling snugly around her waist, all scheming wiped clean from her expression in a flash.

"Be good while I’m gone," I murmured softly, locking eyes with her until I saw a flicker of understanding remain. "Stay hidden. Stay quiet."

"Mmmm." Her eyes stayed glazed. "Anything you want, Master."