I Have 10,000 SSS Rank Villains In My System Space Chapter 487: First Kiss

Slowly Sofia leaned back and their lips separated. A small smile immediately appeared on her face as she looked at him. Her cheeks were slightly red, though she tried her best to hide it.

After all, this had been her first kiss. No matter how brave she acted, her heart was still beating wildly inside her chest. Yet looking at the completely frozen Razeal standing in front of her, all of that embarrassment suddenly became worth it. The usually calm and shameless man who could threaten empress without blinking was standing there looking completely lost.

Razeal was still staring at her. Or more accurately, he wasn’t really looking at anything.

His mind felt blank.

The warmth of her lips still lingered in his thoughts. His heart was beating strangely hard inside his chest. It felt weird. Very weird. He had kissed before. This wasn’t even his first kiss. Yet somehow this one felt completely different. Maybe because of the words she had said before it.

Maybe because of everything that happened today. Maybe because for the first time he could actually feel the emotions behind it. The affection. The warmth. The care. The love. Whatever the reason was, his thoughts were currently a complete mess.

Seeing his dazed expression, Sofia couldn’t stop herself from smiling wider. She reached forward and lightly patted his shoulder.

"Hehe... I didn’t melt your brain with my kiss, did I?" She looked entirely too pleased with herself.

Razeal finally seemed to return to reality. His eyes focused on her face. Then her eyes. Then her lips. Then her eyes again.

Sofia immediately narrowed her eyes proudly.

Well?

That expression practically screamed it.

How was it?

Any comments?

Did he enjoy it?

One more perhaps?

Yet after all that waiting, Razeal simply looked at her for several seconds before calmly turning his face away and looking somewhere else.

Sofia’s mouth immediately fell open.

The shameless man was embarrassed.

Actually embarrassed??

The realization made her want to laugh.

"Dumbb Cute." The thought immediately appeared in her head.

Very cute.

The same boy who spent all day acting indifferent and impossible to read had just been completely defeated by a single kiss. Sofia felt strangely proud of herself.

Not far away, Nerrisa had witnessed the entire thing. The Empress rubbed her forehead before shaking her head.

"Celestia definitely isn’t going to like this."

Just imagining her daughter’s reaction later already felt troublesome. After all, she knew perfectly well how complicated Celestia’s feelings toward Razeal were. And now she had just stood here and watched Sofia kiss him without stopping it. But honestly, what was she supposed to do?

Jump between them?

Stop them?

What kind of ridiculous Empress would do that?

The image alone almost made her laugh.

No.

Absolutely not.

Both of them were children she cared about. One was her troublesome nephew. The other was practically her niece. She wasn’t about to interrupt a moment like this.

So Nerrisa simply turned her head away and looked toward the sky.

I saw absolutely nothing.

If Celestia asks later, I definitely saw nothing.

Meanwhile Merisa stood silently watching everything unfold. Under normal circumstances she would’ve been happy. Looking at Sofia was enough to understand how genuine the girl’s feelings were. The way she looked at Razeal. The way she spoke to him. The way she touched him. None of it was fake. There was real affection there. Real care. Real love.

And perhaps what affected Merisa the most was Razeal’s reaction.

He froze.

Not because he disliked it.

Not because he was angry.

But because it reached him.

For all the walls he built around himself, for all the coldness he showed everyone, Sofia’s warmth had still managed to find a crack and slip inside.

A mother should have felt relieved seeing that.

Should have smiled.

Should have felt happy that someone was finally reaching the son she could no longer reach herself.

Yet Merisa couldn’t smile.

Not today at this moment atleast.

Her heart felt too heavy for that.

The conversation from earlier still echoed inside her mind. The disappointment in his voice. The loneliness. The hurt. The simple things he wanted and never received.

How did she fail this badly?

The question kept repeating inside Merisa’s mind as she stood there silently looking at her son. The more she thought about it, the worse it became. Because right now as what Razeal said.. she was completely on Razeal’s side. Every word he had spoken was right. Every disappointment. Every accusation. Every painful question he had thrown at her. She couldn’t reject any of it. Not even one. That was what hurt the most. She wasn’t standing here thinking he was being unfair. She wasn’t standing here thinking he misunderstood something. No. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that if she were standing in his place, she would’ve probably felt the same if not worse.

How could she not have realized it? No... that wasn’t even the right question anymore. How could she not have felt it? How could she not have felt that desperate yearning to see her son? To ask him everything? To hug him the moment she saw him alive? The moment she heard he had returned, she should’ve dropped everything and run toward him. She should’ve forgotten all the accusation. Forgotten the punishment. Forgotten everything. She should’ve hugged him until she was sure he was real.

She should’ve sat him down and refused to leave his side for days. She should’ve asked him a thousand questions. Where had he been? Was he hurt? Had he eaten properly? Was he alone all those years? How did he survive? Did he ever think of coming home? Did he hate her? Did he miss them? Was he scared? Was he cold? Was he suffering? There were so many things she should’ve wanted to know. So many things she should’ve desperately wanted to hear. Yet somehow none of that happened.

What stopped her?

Even now she couldn’t answer that question.

The more she remembered it, the more unreal it felt.

How could she have been that cold?

How could she have waited?

How could she have known he was back and not immediately gone to see him?

How could she have believed her son was dead for years, then discover he was alive, and not run toward him?

The thought alone sounded insane now.

She couldn’t even understand herself anymore.

Was she really that horrible?

Was she really that cold?

Was she really that terrible of a mother?

Her chest tightened painfully.

Because for the first time she couldn’t immediately answer no.

The worst part was that she knew she loved him.

She knew it.

There wasn’t a single doubt about that inside her heart.

She would give her life for him.

She would burn anything for him.

She would fight the entire world for him.

She knew that.

Yet when he needed something much simpler than all of that...

When he simply needed warmth...

When he simply needed affection...

When he simply needed to feel loved...

She failed.

And that reality shattered something inside her.

The most painful part was that she didn’t even have an explanation she could accept herself.

One have to know.. She was one of the smartest women in the world. If she truly wanted to, she could explain everything. She could defend every action she took. She could talk about fear. Confusion. Circumstances. Misunderstandings. Responsibilities. Duty. Emotions. She could build arguments so convincing that most people would eventually agree with her.

Intelligent people could do that. They could take even the ugliest situation and explain it until it sounded reasonable. Words were powerful. Powerful enough to make terrible decisions seem understandable. Powerful enough to make people question what they believed. Powerful enough to make guilt appear innocent.

An intelligent person can even make things like Rape or even killing innocents and childs resonable not to say just proving this She could do that too.

She could explain to Razeal that he misunderstood her.

She could explain that she never meant any of it.

She could explain that she was suffering too.

She could explain that her actions didn’t represent her feelings.

And honestly... Some of those explanations would even be true.

Yet she didn’t say any of them.

Because what would be the point?

To prove her son wrong?

To convince him that he should’ve felt loved when he clearly didn’t?

To argue with him about his own pain?

To tell him that his loneliness wasn’t real?

How pathetic would that be?

How disgusting would that be?

Trying to win an argument against her own child when the argument itself existed because he felt unloved.

No.

She couldn’t do that.

Because no matter what explanation she gave, one fact would never change.

Her son felt alone.

Her son felt unwanted.

Her son felt unloved.

Nothing could erase that.

Not intelligence.

Not logic.

Not arguments.

Not excuses.

Nothing.

And suddenly she realized where she had truly failed.

She had focused too much on the mistake.

Too much on the accusation.

Too much on whether something happened or didn’t happen.

Too much on justice.

Too much on punishment.

Too much on the problem.

And somewhere along the way... She forgot the person.

Her eyes slowly lowered.

Because now the answer seemed painfully obvious.

If the person is gone, then what value does the mistake have?

Nothing.

If the person no longer exists, then what exactly are you protecting anymore?

Nothing.

Mistakes matter.

Actions matter.

Justice matters.

She still believed that.

But before all of those things... There is a person.

And somewhere along the way she stopped seeing her son first.

She started seeing the accusation first.

She... she had said those words herself.

The memories kept repeating inside Merisa’s head over and over again like a punishment she couldn’t escape from.

A dead son is better than a disgusting son. If you ever become like that, I will kill you myself. The words echoed endlessly inside her mind. At the time she had spoken them without hesitation. Without doubt. She remembered the anger. The disgust. The fury. The disappointment.

She remembered believing every single word that came out of her mouth. Yet now, standing here and looking at Razeal, she found herself trying to see those moments through his eyes instead of her own. Through the eyes of a child. Through the eyes of an innocent child who had done nothing wrong. Through the eyes of a boy looking toward his mother, hoping for something, only to hear her say she would rather have him dead. The thought alone made her chest hurt.

How could he have felt hearing that?

No. She couldn’t even imagine it. Even trying to imagine it made her feel sick. How could she say something like that to her own son?

Even if he had actually done it. Even if he had truly tried committed that crime. Even then those words would’ve shattered someone. Because there were some things a child never expected to hear from a parent.

A mother wishing death upon her son was one of them. And the worst part...

The absolute worst part...

Was that he was innocent.

The realization made every memory worse. Every punishment worse. Every accusation worse. Every harsh word worse.

Everything became worse.

Because now she knew the truth. Now she knew there had never been a crime. There had never been a monster. There had never been a rapist.

There had only been her son.

Her innocent son. And that she had failed him.

Her mind honestly felt blank now. Not because there were no thoughts. There were too many thoughts.

Too many memories.

Too many regrets.

Too much guilt.

The weight of it all felt crushing.

The guilt she had carried for years already felt unbearable before today. After hearing Razeal’s words, after finally understanding how he truly felt, it had become a thousand times worse. She could only stand there and look at him.

Look at her son.

Look at the child she failed.

Because despite everything, despite all the confusion and pain currently filling her heart, there was one thing she knew for certain.

She loved him.

She never doubted that.

Not for a single second.

She loved him. The problem wasn’t whether she loved him. The problem was that he couldn’t feel it.

That realization hurt more than almost anything else.

Because if she truly didn’t love him, none of this would hurt. She wouldn’t be standing here feeling as though her heart was being torn apart. She wouldn’t regret anything. She wouldn’t care.

She wouldn’t desperately wish she could go back and change things. She wouldn’t want his forgiveness. She wouldn’t want him back. She wouldn’t want him to smile. She wouldn’t want him happy.

But she did.

She wanted all of those things. Which meant she loved him. The proof was right here. The pain she felt proved it.

The guilt proved it.

The regret proved it.

The fact she wanted him at any cost proved it.

Yet somehow, despite loving him so much, she had completely failed to make him feel it.

Merisa almost wanted to laugh at herself.

A bitter laugh.

A pathetic laugh.

She was one of the smartest women in the world.

People came to her with impossible problems.

Kings or not sought her advice.

Nations respected her judgment.

People genuinely believed there were very few things Merisa Virelan couldn’t solve.

Yet when it came to her own son... She became an idiot.

A complete fucking idiot.

Looking back now, she genuinely couldn’t understand herself.

How could she miss something so obvious?

How could she fail to see something so simple?

How could the woman capable of solving impossible political problems fail to understand the child she raised?

It almost felt absurd.

Like her brain simply stopped functioning whenever Razeal was involved.

Then slowly another realization appeared inside her mind. Maybe intelligence had nothing to do with this.

Family wasn’t logic.

Love wasn’t logic.

Relationships weren’t logic.

You couldn’t solve them like equations.

You couldn’t calculate them.

You couldn’t reason through them the same way you reasoned through politics or war. Because emotions complicated everything.

And her emotions had complicated everything.

The truth was ugly.

The truth was that when she first heard those accusations, she stopped thinking clearly.

Because there was something no one can understand better then her.

Something that controlled her more than she wanted to admit.

First of all.. She was a victim of rape herself. She knew exactly what rape did to people.

She knew how many lives it destroyed.

She knew the fear.

The trauma.

The scars.

The nightmares.

The suffering.

She knew all of it.

Far better than most people.

And because she knew all of it, hearing that accusation had struck directly at one of the deepest wounds inside her.

Then there was Selena.

The girl she practically considered another daughter.

The girl she watched grow up. The girl she cared for. And behind Selena stood another tragedy.

Selena’s mother.

A woman whose life had been destroyed. A woman who ultimately couldn’t continue living with that pain.

A woman who took her life because of what happened to her.

Then suddenly another accusation appeared.

Another victim.

Another ruined life.

Another tragedy.

And this time her own son stood at the center of it.

How was she supposed to react? How was she supposed to stay calm?

Looking back now, Merisa realized she hadn’t been calm at all.

She had been drowning.

Drowning in anger.

Drowning in fear.

Drowning in disgust.

Drowning in memories she never truly escaped.

Then there was another face.

A face she hated more than anyone.

Razeal’s father.

The man whose actions destroyed countless lives.

The man she personally killed. The man she swore she would never allow anyone to become.

Especially not her son. That was what terrified her.

More than anything else.

The thought that Razeal might become like him.

The thought that history might repeat itself.

The thought that another victim might exist after.

The thought that another life might be destroyed if she didn’t stopped.

Those fears completely overwhelmed her.

Looking back now, Merisa could finally understand why she had made that decision back then. When the accusation first appeared, it hadn’t just been an accusation.

Every way to prove his innocence she could find told the same story. That.. Razeal was guilty. And because of that, she had forced herself not to investigate further. Not because she didn’t care, but because she was afraid that if she did, it would simply be because she wanted to believe her son was innocent. She was terrified of allowing her emotions to influence her judgment. Terrified of becoming a mother who ignored facts because she loved her child too much. She had always believed that was the greatest mistake a person in her position could make.

A leader couldn’t allow emotions to cloud judgment. A judge couldn’t bend truth because of personal feelings. And so she did the opposite. She cut away her emotions. She forced herself to look only at the evidence. Only at the facts presented before her. Only at what her responsibility demanded. At least that was what she told herself all these years.

That belief had been one of the few things allowing her to stand upright until today. Whenever guilt appeared, whenever doubt surfaced, she would remind herself that she had acted according to what she knew. That she had fulfilled her responsibility. That Razeal simply didn’t understand how difficult that position had been. Or perhaps didn’t want to understand. But now, after hearing everything he said, none of that seemed important anymore. Because the problem was no longer the accusation. It was no longer the investigation. It was no longer the punishment. The problem was everything that came after. Its about the way she treated him. The way she reacted to him. The way she failed him as a mother even if he had been guilty. Looking at his side profile now, Merisa felt her heart ache once more. He had completely destroyed every defense she h