Demi-human Girls Completion Manual Chapter 1591 - 96: Contradiction

"Ah, I think... the trigger for my death might be... ’the desire to survive’, right?"

"..."

Fisher and Emhardt on his shoulder were simultaneously stunned, but Holan appeared exceptionally calm as he uttered this sentence, merely turning to gaze at the distant lava while allowing the scorching heat and brightness from the molten rock to cast warm hues on his originally corpse-like pale cheeks.

"This is really..."

Emhardt couldn’t help but start to mock, and Holan picked up on his words,

"A twist of fate?"

"There’s a bit of that sense, but how could this be possible?"

"Who knows?"

Holan fiddled with his fingers, having already figured out certain things in his mind and gradually opened up to Fisher,

"Where I lived, there was daily warfare and famine. I chose to leave my hometown for a meal and eventually joined the cult worshipping He Ya. I had to attach my head to my waistband and keep company with those lunatics essentially just to survive... The cult members would randomly assign numbers to those preparing for the ritual to determine the sequence. I was rather lucky, or perhaps unlucky, to draw the last number...

"So after that, as I watched those ahead of me perish miserably in experiments, I counted down the days until my turn in the ritual. By now, I’ve forgotten what that felt like; I just think that countdown should have meant something to me... probably the will to survive. So as time approached, I ultimately couldn’t overcome my fear of death and fled from the cult prematurely, yet was caught in the process..."

Fisher finally realized where Holan’s stolen death came from, for when he chose to escape the cult because of his survival instinct and was caught, his death had already arrived, and it was then that Agares took away his death,

"So, now, deep inside, you actually want to survive, right, Holan?"

"...Mm."

Holan pondered for a long time before confirming his thoughts with a sigh of relief, but Fisher was unsure whether to congratulate him or not.

According to normal human perception, survival is surely a joyful thing, yet Holan’s expression was exceedingly complex, leaving Fisher unable to grasp his thoughts.

As expected, in the next moment, looking at the lava, Holan spoke again,

"But I still decide to die, Fisher."

"Hey, come on, big bro, didn’t you just say you wanted to survive? How can you change so suddenly, are you having a split personality?"

Emhardt opened his mouth, then awkwardly complained, while Fisher remained silent, merely casting a questioning glance at him.

Holan humorously laughed, shaking his head as he explained,

"Agares stole the trigger for my death, leaving me forever waiting for death within the cult. I feel like I’m still in that cage, having put myself on the list for death just to eat well for a few days, waiting for someone to call my name and take me away. Agares merely turned the queue ahead of me into infinity, leaving my soul unmoved, yet Fisher, I am destined never to escape this cage.

"How one feels inside and the outcome of reality are inevitably contradicted; when I wish to survive, the death I’ve lost will return, and when I wish to die, everything will remain as motionless as before, including death; it’s akin to a choice: either, anxiously wait in line for the near-infinite death, or fearfully desire survival by prematurely drawing the next death’s number..."

He fell silent for a moment, reached into his chest, and took out an archaic book with "Death Completion Manual" emblazoned on its cover, placing it before the only person who could see it, Fisher,

"Fisher, if it were you, what would you choose?"

"...I would choose to die too."

Fisher stayed silent for a moment, then finally responded, gazing into Holan’s eyes,

"The latter might be wrong, but the former, you have actually experienced its pain and wish to break free from it. If you’ll regret any choice, choose the one that does justice to your past self, which is ’Death’."

Holan smiled warmly, bowing his head and murmuring,

"Mm, indeed that makes sense, worthy of being a scholar of Nali... although perhaps that actually makes me ’normal’."

"Why?"

"Yes, because the arrival of death sometimes inherently contradicts your thoughts. When you wish to die, your life subconsciously resists, bringing extreme fear to abandon the idea; when you wish to live, regardless of how your life struggles, it is nothing but a flickering candle, extinguished with a single breath. If that’s the case, then let me die in contradiction."

This time, even Emhardt, usually talkative, fell silent, and Fisher remained solemn as he opened his mouth, just about to say something when Holan pointed his finger upward, his expression growing serious,

"Moreover, the situation above is very serious now. Cracks have begun to appear in the Gap, though burning is a process, and despite the Gap being Dalasgon’s domain, He might be able to delay time to some extent. Yet, the demise is certain, perhaps this is only the beginning, especially since that Old Immortal also mentioned, as long as these manuals exist, extinction will not cease...