Cultivation Chat Group Chapter 2: Please Wait For Esteemed Me To Divinate
Previously on Cultivation Chat Group...
Chapter 2: Please Wait For Esteemed Me To Divinate
People frequently remark that the second year of middle school is a period of rebellion. Most individuals experience this phase to some degree; however, some display it openly for all to witness, while others bury it deep within their souls. This marks the distinction between being an obvious nuisance and a private one.
Song Shuhang was relatively precocious. That particular stage of his life arrived early and departed even faster.
Consequently, by the time he reached his second year of middle school, his peers were still immersed in wuxia, superhero, and immortal fantasies. They were constantly mimicking the “18 Falling Dragon Palms” and pretending to be superheroes. In contrast, Song Shuhang had long since abandoned such whims.
The physical laws of our world were already incredibly precise. Leaping three stories high? Summoning a golden dragon through palm strikes? Flying around with underwear worn over trousers? Such things were simply impossible!
Despite this, he still enjoyed xianxia novels and superhero films. Perhaps in the recesses of his heart, he harbored a lingering hope that superheroes, aliens, or immortals might actually manifest before him one day.
Even though he understood these things were impossible, he strangely looked forward to that day with great expectation. Perhaps this is simply a unique human talent?
With a chuckle, Song Shuhang minimized the chat window, though he did not actually exit the group.
He found the members of the Nine Provinces (1) Group to be quite entertaining. The chat logs were so cringe-worthy that they could embarrass anyone who read them. From a bystander's perspective, it was unexpectedly amusing. He decided to lurk for a while and read their strange conversations to kill time before the group founder eventually kicked him out.
On his monitor, a movie continued to play. It appeared to be a horror film. Every trope of the genre was present, suggesting it was the work of a brilliant director at the height of his career. Rumor had it that this film had caused grown men to weep in terror and left many people too afraid to visit the restroom alone.
Song Shuhang, however, felt no fear at all. Instead, he dragged the progress bar back. After watching a bit longer, he let out another yawn. He shifted from sitting to lying down as his eyelids grew increasingly heavy.
If that "genius" director knew his masterpiece only had this effect, he would surely cry.
In a daze, Song Shuhang drifted into a whimsical dream.
It was a magnificent and vibrant dream. There were immortals, superheroes, and all sorts of legendary realms.
To possess eternal life and total freedom. To have the power to move mountains and seas. To wander the world with a sword in hand. How many people have shared this dream since ancient times? It is only as one ages that reality shatters the illusion, forcing people to hide the dream deep in their hearts and ignore it.
Ultimately, dreams remain nothing more than dreams.
＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊
The following day. Tuesday, May 21st, 1:00 AM.
Within the chat, the founder, Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch, finally appeared online.
The moment he logged in, North River’s Loose Practitioner asked, “True Monarch, who is this ‘Mt. Books’ Huge Pressure’ you added yesterday? What is his place of Cultivation?”
“The person from yesterday? Haven't you talked to her yet? That is the daughter of an old friend of esteemed me, born in this modern era. Her talent seems quite impressive. Despite her youth, she is already at the peak of the 3rd stage – Houtian and is on the verge of reaching the 4th stage – Xiantian. She is truly remarkable,” Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch replied with a laugh.
“If she was born in this era, she can't be more than forty years old. Reaching the peak of the 3rd stage – Houtian at that age makes her a genuine genius,” North River’s Loose Practitioner thought to himself. However, he found the name quite peculiar; ‘Mt. Books’ Huge Pressure’ didn't sound like a proper Dao name at all.
While North River’s Loose Practitioner was pondering this, Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch suddenly exclaimed, “Wait? The Dao name of esteemed me’s friend’s daughter isn't ‘Mt. Books’ Huge Pressure’! Then who on earth is this person?”
“.....” Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch’s expression morphed into a ‘囧’ shape.
This wasn't just some random stranger; True Monarch, this was the person you personally invited yesterday.
Testing the waters, North River’s Loose Practitioner asked, “True Monarch, is it possible you added the wrong person?”
“Let esteemed me investigate.”
A few moments later.
Accompanied by a string of cold sweat emojis, Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch messaged the group: “I really did add the wrong person. The ID number was identical except for the middle digit. Esteemed me typed a 9 instead of an 8. I never imagined esteemed me could make such a blunder.”
North River’s Loose Practitioner laughed sarcastically: “I thought so! Even if someone has adapted to modern society, nobody would actually choose ‘Mt. Books’ Huge Pressure’ as a Dao name!”
Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch sent another row of cold sweat emojis.
Then, he quickly invited his friend’s actual daughter into the chat.
A system notification appeared: ‘Spiritual Butterfly Island’s Soft Feather’ has joined the Nine Provinces (1) Group.
This name fit the group's aesthetic perfectly, carrying a strong Xianxia vibe. In comparison, Mt. Books’ Huge Pressure was clearly an oddity that had slipped through the cracks.
As soon as the newcomer arrived, Mad Saber Three Waves jumped in: “Oh? Is the new fellow daoist a fairy? Upload a photo and tell us your measurements! If you're cute, why don't we go on a date?”
Mad Saber Three Waves had been lurking for a while. Though his memory might be like a goldfish, it lasted at least longer than three seconds. He had been warned yesterday to stop offending powerful seniors, so he had been cautiously observing the situation today.
Once he heard Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch mention that this was a friend’s daughter at the peak of the 3rd stage – Houtian, Mad Saber Three Waves felt safe. Since she wasn't part of the older generation, he felt free to tease her to his heart's content.
New members were a rarity in this group, and he had been struggling to hold back his impulses.
The moment Mad Saber Three Waves spoke, Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch’s expression soured.
“.....” Spiritual Butterfly Island’s Soft Feather sent a string of dots, followed by: “Since it is quite late, this old man’s daughter has already begun her meditation and Cultivation. I will be using her account until fellow daoist Mt. Yellow adds me to the group. Ahem... I have long heard that fellow daoist Three Waves of the Nine Provinces (1) Group is quite the character—very relaxed and quite the talker. It seems hearing about it a hundred times isn't as good as meeting once. Fellow daoist Three Waves, this old man finds you interesting. I shall invite you for a drink another day.”
Mad Saber Three Waves was instantly mortified. To think he was hitting on a girl only for her father to respond! There was nothing more embarrassing in the world. He desperately wanted to find a hole to crawl into.
Luckily, it seemed this senior was easygoing, as he had brushed the comment aside with a few words.
The senior proceeded to introduce himself to the online members, asking them to look after his daughter, before going silent and logging off.
Once the senior was gone, Mad Saber Three Waves breathed a sigh of relief and said cheerfully, “Phew, it seems that senior can take a joke. Maybe I'll get a chance to talk to Lady Soft Feather myself later.”
“.....” Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch.
“.....” North River’s Loose Practitioner.
The usually silent Medicine Master then appeared. He was a man of few words, yet he actually typed out four: “You are dreaming.”
“?” Three Waves was puzzled.
But Medicine Master, being a man who treated words like gold, offered no further explanation.
“Take a look at the prefix of the new member's Dao name,” North River’s Loose Practitioner explained. If a man doesn't seek death, he won't die—would brother Three Waves never learn this?
“Prefix? Spiritual Butterfly Island?” Mad Saber Three Waves still seemed oblivious.
“Exactly, Spiritual Butterfly Island! Combined with a senior status! Does that not ring a bell?” North River’s Loose Practitioner hinted.
After a long pause, Mad Saber Three Waves suddenly realized and sent a row of ‘kneeling’ emojis. “Is it that Spiritual Butterfly Respected Sage who nitpicks over every tiny detail?”
Honourable Spiritual Butterfly was a powerful senior. He was a good, righteous, and heroic man... but he had a habit of arguing over the most trivial matters. He had reached the pinnacle of the Dao of nitpicking. While others might fuss over small things, he obsessed over every single detail!
North River’s Loose Practitioner’s mouth twitched in frustration: “That is not how I warned you!”
Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch sighed, unable to watch the train wreck any longer. “Three Waves, my old friend only minimized the chat; he didn't actually log out.”
Which meant... the chat history would be seen.
No, it would definitely be seen!
Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch couldn't stand to watch Three Waves court death like this; after all, the boy was still a junior in his group.
“Crap, I'm a dead man.” Mad Saber Three Waves could already envision a future where Spiritual Butterfly Respected Sage paid him a visit to inflict various tortures. His eyes welled up again. It seemed he had offended an even more terrifying senior this time.
Three Waves wailed, “True Monarch, please help me apologize!”
Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch replied with an emoji showing a cold, departing back.
The group members ignored Three Waves’ pathetic whimpering and moved on to other topics.
North River’s Loose Practitioner asked the founder, “What do you plan to do with ‘Mt. Books’ Huge Pressure’?”
Su Clan’s Ah Qi added, “Should we kick him? He’s just a normal person, so he doesn't really belong in our conversations.”
“Ahem, since esteemed me invited him by mistake, perhaps it is fate. Let esteemed me perform a divination and then decide,” Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch replied. The truth was, since he had invited the person, kicking them immediately would make him look bad.
By using divination as an excuse, he could save face before removing the outsider.
First, it would maintain his majestic image.
Second, he had recently developed a fascination with divination. After studying it for several months, he was eager to test his skills. He now enjoyed calculating the divine value of everything he did.
With that, using the book 《Tang Verses Song Phrases》 as his foundation, he gestured and cast a secret divination technique. His shamanic power pulled the essence from the poetry to form a trigram.
The process was exceptionally smooth. Since he began learning the art, this was the first time Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch felt such a perfect connection to the technique!
He looked at the results with a beaming smile.
Then...
Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch’s smile vanished.
His face turned pale.
He stared at the trigram: *Wishing to be two birds flying wing to wing in the sky, on earth wishing to be two trees with branches intertwined.*
He recalled this verse was by the Tang poet Bai Juyi, a famous classic often used to describe deep romantic love.
Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch felt an immediate wave of depression.
Wing to wing? Intertwined branches? Forget being an intertwined branch; esteemed me might as well hang myself from a branch!
Was he, the great Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch, destined for an epic, world-shaking romance with this likely male ‘Mt. Books’ Huge Pressure’? The thought of it made him feel as if he had swallowed a cockroach; he was utterly repulsed.
“This must be because esteemed me’s skill in divination is still lacking. I've only been at it for a month... I should try again! Yes, that’s it!” Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch cast the secret technique once more, his Qi flipping through the pages of 《Tang Verses Song Phrases》.
Another verse was selected.
The technique flowed even better this time. Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch felt confident; this one would surely be accurate!
He checked the trigram.
Then...
True Monarch’s face went white.
The trigram read: *“Having been together so long, even if separated, how can their bond change from dawn till dusk!”*
Dawn till dusk my foot!
“Esteemed me refuses to believe this nonsense!” Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch reset the trigram again.
He felt even more powerful this time. He felt his mastery of divination growing by leaps and bounds!
This attempt would definitely hit the mark!
He looked down at the result: *“Turning back suddenly, you find your destined one standing there, beneath the fading lantern light.”*
“.......”
“Deep breaths, just breathe.” Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch had reached a decision regarding the 《Tang Verses Song Phrases》. Tilting his head back at a 45-degree angle, he gazed at the sky with a look of profound melancholy.
Then, the True Monarch decisively shredded the hardcover book in his hands. He nodded firmly while ripping it apart: “As expected, esteemed me has no talent for divination and was never meant to be a master. Therefore, every result esteemed me obtained must be a failure!”
He tossed the remnants of the book aside, silently swearing never to attempt a cheap divination again!
With the book destroyed, the True Monarch typed: “Regarding Mt. Books’ Huge Pressure... let’s keep him for now. Esteemed me just performed a divination and found that he and esteemed me share a fated connection. His addition to the group wasn't a mistake, but an inevitability! His future path will depend on his own fortune.”
He used all the proper terminology of a divination master. As for the actual results, he wouldn't confess them even if he were beaten to death!
Damn it, even if there was fate, it was clearly a cursed fate!
“We'll leave him be then. He'll probably leave on his own soon anyway. By the way, what was the actual result of your calculation, True Monarch?” North River’s Loose Practitioner was curious about what the senior had discovered.
“.....” Mt. Yellow’s True Monarch: “Oh, you guys keep talking. I have something urgent to handle, so I'm logging off.”
With that, he vanished instantly, leaving a confused North River’s Loose Practitioner behind.