The Vampire & Her Witch Chapter 1869: Gone Fishing (Part Three)

Jocelynn didn’t hold anything back when she told Ashlynn about the nightmares that plagued her. From the feeling of blood on her hands that lingered long after she woke in the morning, no matter how much she scrubbed, to her mother’s appearance in last night’s nightmare about being imprisoned in the Lothian dungeons again, she shared every bit of it.

Ashlynn said very little while Jocelynn told her tale. She rowed the boat close enough to the north bank of the river that they could drop an anchor and then held her sobbing sister as she spoke. Occasionally, she provided a few words of reassurance or asked a small question when it seemed like Jocelynn was struggling to get the words out, but that was all.

The big sister in Ashlynn wanted to tell Jocelynn that it would be all right. That, now that Percivus and Owain were dead, the nightmares would end soon, and she just had to be patient... But Ashlynn knew better than that, so she refrained from offering platitudes and instead shared her own nightmares.

"Sometimes," Ashlynn started slowly. "Sometimes, I still wake feeling like I can’t breathe and the earth has swallowed me whole..."

Ashlynn didn’t hide anything from her little sister. From the shallow grave to the months she’d spent haunted by dreams where everyone from their mother or father to loyal family servants whispered in Owain’s ear, exposing her mark of the witch, she shared it all.

"How do you do it, Ash?" Jocelynn said, staring wide-eyed at her sister once Ashlynn’s tale was done. Her eyes were red and puffy, and the tears on her cheeks felt like they’d turned to frost in the cold winter air, but she barely noticed as she watched her sister start pulling in the anchor.

"How do you keep going every day, fighting back and building the empire and doing... Doing so much," Jocelynn said. "I can’t... Some days, I can’t even make myself eat more than a few bites, but you... If you hadn’t told me, I’d never have thought you struggled like this..."

"I have help," Ashlynn said, taking up the oars again, turning them back toward the spot in the river where Odhar had said the fishing was good. "I had Nyri and Thane to comfort me after Kaefin and Broll. Both were tender and kind when I needed it, and stern with me when I needed that too."

"I also had Amahle in the Briar," Ashlynn said. "She encouraged me to write letters to you, mother and father, while I was studying in the Briar. I have the ones I wrote to you," Ashlynn added. "I didn’t think I’d get to send them to you before we met again. I was too scared that Owain or someone else would find them, but I always meant for you to read them if you want to."

"You don’t have to read them," Ashlynn added quickly. "Half the reason I wrote them was to get the feelings out. Putting them on the page helped me understand all the things that were pulling on me. But if you want..."

"I do," Jocelynn said eagerly. "I... I want to know what it was like for you," she said. "I want to know all of the things you went through because I... Because of what I did," she said in a much smaller voice.

"It wasn’t all bad, Jocey," Ashlynn said, giving her sister a gentle, reassuring smile. "I wrote about the wonderful things as much as I wrote about the painful parts. Maybe more. I saw so much that was exciting and new and met so many amazing people that I wanted to introduce you to..."

"That’s the real way I’ve gotten through it," Ashlynn said, dipping the oars in the water to slow the boat now that they’d reached the area of deep water that Odhar had mentioned. "I piled up joy on top of the pain. I let love soothe the hurts. I wept... a lot. But I had Nyri, Heila, Ollie, and so many others around me who cared and who I cared about..."

"The pain hasn’t gone away," Ashlynn said. "But my life is so full that there isn’t enough room for the pain to dominate my life. The pain is still there, but it gets smaller the more I’m able to find good things to fill my life with. Things like going fishing with my sister," she said, smiling as she reached out to squeeze Jocelynn’s hand.

"Do you think that will work for me?" Jocelynn asked, looking at her sister with hopeful eyes.

"I don’t know," Ashlynn said honestly as she grabbed a pair of hand lines, passing one to Jocelynn along with a hook before she started tying her own hook in place. "But it doesn’t hurt to try, does it? Starting from today, maybe you could try to find something fun to do every day, even if it’s just for an hour or two," Ashlynn suggested.

"You have friends here," Ashlynn added. "Adala and Charlotte came to me yesterday because they were worried about you."

"They did?" Jocelynn said, caught slightly off guard by Ashlynn’s statement, though her fingers kept at their work, tying the fish hook in place before reaching for the bucket full of bait. "I know they came to visit the other day but I was so busy that... Oh," Jocelynn said as realization dawned on her.

"They weren’t offering to help the Lady Minister of Commerce," Jocelynn said. "They wanted to know if I needed help... And I told Anne to send them away because I didn’t know how anyone could really help me yet..."

"Charlotte is a good person," Ashlynn said. "And Adala could tell that you were hurting. They’re just worried about you. So, tomorrow or the day after, take some time with them and do something more than sitting over tea."

"What’s wrong with having tea?" Jocelynn asked.

"Tea is for talking," Ashlynn said, casting her hook out over the boat’s railing. "Talking isn’t bad, but you need some doing, and some time talking about the things you’re doing. Tea makes it too easy to dwell in what hurts instead of finding things that don’t."

"Nyri took me to an opera in High Fen City, and we went dancing at a masquerade ball," Ashlynn said, offering examples of her own. "I went fishing on a frozen lake with Hauke and Heila, and that was fun until it wasn’t," she said with a complicated look on her face. "Or Heila and I went to a spa in Crystal Lake City..."

"The important thing for me, the thing that I didn’t realize until afterward," Ashlynn said. "Was that I was filling my days with little moments to treasure. Even when I was ’living in exile’ there were plenty of things to celebrate and enjoy."

"So tell me about them," Jocelynn said as she cast her own line. "Tell me about your moments and tell me more about Nyrielle," she suggested. "I want to know how she conquered your heart and how you conquered hers. I can tell that she’s deeply in love with you, you know," Jocelynn said as a ghost of her usual smile appeared on her lips.

"Sisters can always tell when love is real," Jocelynn said confidently, skating around the fact that she’d firmly believed her sister hadn’t ever loved Owain even after two years of courting. "So I want to hear all about your love, Nyrielle, and how you two got here," Jocelynn demanded.

"All right," Ashlynn said, smiling back at Jocelynn as the first rays of dawn broke over the eastern hills. "Where should I begin?"