The Vampire & Her Witch Chapter 1781: Accepting The Past

"I’m here," Nyrielle whispered as she held Ashlynn close. "Tell me what’s wrong. What has your heart aching so..."

Ashlynn clung to her lover with a strength that would have cracked the ribs of an ordinary person, burying her face in Nyrielle’s chest while her body shook with uncontrollable sobs.

She’d tried. She’d tried so hard to hold things together in Lothian Manor until Nyrielle arrived with the rest of the Vale’s forces tomorrow. Even after everything that had happened with Jocelynn, she’d projected an aura of calm, competent authority as she brought both the lords of the march and Lothian City under her control.

But the strength she projected was like armor made of glass, and Wolstan’s news had shattered it with the force of a sledgehammer’s blow. Her heart bled from dozens of tiny hurts while her soul ached from the massive shock of the message’s impact and her body shook in the aftershocks of it all.

"I, I ruined my family," Ashlynn sobbed. "Father, he, he tried to send me away when I was born, but he couldn’t... So they had to, to live with me instead and I... I was never supposed to be there...."

"Ashlynn," Nyrielle said, softly cupping Ashlynn’s chin and lifting her face until she could look directly into Ashlynn’s puffy, tear-filled eyes. "Wolstan told me everything," she said. "But as I recall, the only people who harmed your family were Owain, Percivus, and to a lesser extent, your sister Jocelynn," she said in a tone that was both soft and firm.

"What did you ever do to ruin anything?" Nyrielle asked. "Other than giving too much of yourself, and risking yourself for your family’s benefit."

"But they gave up so much for me," Ashlynn said, her lips trembling as she spoke. The cold of the winter air stung on her tear-streaked cheeks, and she’d lost her ability to shrug off the cold as her heart sank lower and lower, leaving her so cold that even Nyrielle’s embrace felt warm.

"They gave up a great deal for you, that’s true," Nyrielle said. "And you gave up a great deal for them. The price you paid was very nearly your life, my darling," Nyrielle reminded her.

"It’s true that you could have had a different life," Nyrielle said, scooping Ashlynn up off the ground and launching them into the air, enveloping them in darkness as she sought the balcony of the chambers that Ashlynn had claimed as her own. "A life where you would have been a powerful witch, trained by the Mother of Tides herself, as soon as you were old enough to speak the words and summon power."

"It would have been a lonely life for you," Nyrielle said, hovering briefly above the balcony before setting Ashlynn down and forcing the door open with a thread of shadowy power that cleaved the lock in two. "The Lost Isles would have been even lonelier than your days in Blackwell were, with little for company but the people of the sea."

"But I wouldn’t have been a burden on my family..." Ashlynn started, only for Nyrielle to interrupt her.

"And you wouldn’t have been a blessing for them either," Nyrielle said as she guided Ashlynn into the sitting room and closed the doors behind them. Moving with inhuman speed, she fetched a blanket from a nearby sofa, wrapping it around both herself and Ashlynn before guiding her lover to a seat on the sofa.

"Jocelynn all but worships the ground you walk on, you know," Nyrielle said. "These past few nights, she told me how much you meant to her growing up. I didn’t quite realize how much time your mother spent away, visiting that convent," she said, unable to stop a bit of sharpness from creeping into her voice when she mentioned where Ashlynn’s mother had gone in the hopes that prayer would allow her to successfully bear another child.

"You were there for her in ways your mother couldn’t be," Nyrielle said gently. "And for your father too. You were a miracle for your mother," she added. "One that gave her the strength to continue hoping for a larger family much longer than she might have otherwise."

"Your family lived different lives because of you, that much is true," Nyrielle said, pulling Ashlynn into a tight embrace under the blankets, holding her lover close as she felt warmth returning to Ashlynn’s body. "But I wouldn’t say they lived lesser lives."

"Even if that’s true," Ashlynn said, snuggling deeper into Nyrielle’s embrace. "Why wouldn’t he tell me about our family? About our past? Why didn’t he tell me that Phylip was the Witch of Ebbing Tides or that he still had a way to contact the Eldritch or... Or any of it. Why keep all those things secret from me?"

"What would you have done if you’d known? Hmm?" Nyrille asked. "If he’d told you stories to be proud of, about your heritage and your powers?"

"I wouldn’t have been so scared of what I could do," Ashlynn said, furrowing her brows as she tried to imagine what she would have done.

At first, it sounded easy. She wouldn’t have been as hard on herself. She would have treasured the mark on her hip instead of fearing that it would make her a monster. She would have...

"I’d have tried to learn how to use my witchcraft," Ashlynn said a few heartbeats later. "If, if he’d told me when I was young, I wouldn’t have known any better... And even if he waited until I was Jocey’s age... I would have thought that I could find ways to do it the right way, the safe way... But without a teacher like Amahle..."

"I would have exposed myself," Ashlynn realized. "I would have doomed myself and my family because something... something would have gotten out of hand. There are times when I still struggle to control my heart and control my power. If I’d tried to figure it out by myself at sixteen or seventeen..."

"And what would you have thought about the Eldritch? The ones who didn’t come for you when your father called?" Nyrielle prompted. "Would you still have been able to approach them with an open heart?"

"Would you have been able to welcome me, with all the love that you’ve given me?" Nyrielle asked, meeting Ashlynn’s emerald gaze with her midnight eyes.

"No, I," Ashlynn started, only to cut herself short, shaking her head from side to side. "I might not have met you at all... Or, I might have formed a grudge that wasn’t fair because someone broke the beacon and I... I would have felt betrayed," she said, lowering her head as she realized that her father’s decision, as much as it hurt, had likely kept her safe.

More importantly, he’d hidden what must have felt like a deep betrayal from his daughter so when the day finally came that she did encounter the Eldritch, she could learn from them...

"’He’s happy I found my way to the Eldritch world...’" Ashlynn whispered, repeating one of the first parts of her father’s message... "Do you think he wanted me to find my way to Amahle, or someone who could have helped me?"

"I don’t know," Nyrielle said, kissing Ashlynn lightly on the forehead. "We’ll find out soon enough. I told you to write a letter to him, didn’t I?"

"I was waiting until Marcel came back with Mother, or news that she wanted to stay behind," Ashlynn said, sinking down in Nyrielle’s embrace and pulling the blanket up over her head like a hood. "It was all I could do to write the first letters..."

"You have another option now," Nyrielle said. "Wolstan can reach Blackwell in two or three weeks instead of the month or more that Marcel would take. Write out your letter tonight," Nyrielle said gently. "You can read it to me as you write, if it helps, and throw away as many drafts as you need. Say everything you need to say and ask all the questions in your heart," Nyrielle added, lightly touching Ashlynn’s chest, feeling the heartbeat that had only now begun to slow.

"I need to return to our camp tonight," Nyrielle said. "But when I do, I’ll hand your letter to Wolstan, and he can leave tomorrow as soon as the sun sets. It may be more than a month before you hear back, but for now, it’s the best we can do."

"Thank you, Nyri," Ashlynn sniffed, using a corner of the blanket to blot the tears from her face. "You always know what to say and what to do when I..."

"Shh," Nyrielle said, placing a finger on Ashlynn’s lips to silence her. "I love you. Of course I’ll come for you. Whenever you call, whenever you need me... I’m just glad you asked for help instead of trying to shoulder it alone."

"I’m learning," Ashlynn said, smiling even as her cheeks turned a delicate shade of pink.

"We do this together," Nyrielle said, pulling Ashlynn to her feet and guiding her toward the writing desk at the back of the room. "Now, you write your letter, and I’ll sit here and watch," she said, pulling a second chair over to the desk. "And if you need more help, I’ll be right here..."