The Royal Military Academy's Impostor Owns a Dungeon [BL] Chapter 1154: Partway In

Objectively speaking, he’d say no.

At least, not that he was aware of.

In fact, everyone and their hardiest hair follicle would say exactly the same thing. Bridging their spiritual seas was already far beyond what most people could ever hope to achieve, so just what could he possibly be talking about?

Clearly, objectivity wasn’t exactly the issue.

But subjectively speaking, somewhere deep inside the increasingly deranged recesses of Killian Nox’s mind, there lingered an even bigger guilt that stubbornly refused to stay buried.

Because however he looked at it...

Jax...

Had never really been given much of a choice.

And the more he thought about it, the more that unsettling possibility refused to leave him alone.

What if this attachment Jax now felt wasn’t entirely his own?

What if the accidental bond between their spiritual seas had quietly influenced him from the very beginning, not enough to force anything, but just enough to make one path seem more obvious than every other?

If that were the case, then wasn’t Killian simply benefiting from a choice that Jax had never been allowed to make under completely fair circumstances?

And if one day...

One day Jax eventually looked back on all of this after meeting more people, after seeing more of the universe in a different light, after living long enough to discover the kind of life he truly wanted...

Wouldn’t he regret it?

Wouldn’t Killian eventually become the person forced to hear those regrets?

Or worse...

The one who’d have to quietly say, , because he’d already seen this possibility coming but had still allowed everything to continue?

Growing old.

Together.

Killian actually frowned at himself.

It was already ridiculous enough that he’d somehow let his thoughts wander that far simply because Jax had insisted on throwing away every argument he’d put forward. But to so casually imagine growing old with someone he’d only moments ago been trying to convince to reconsider...

Wasn’t that far too much?

He really needed to get a grip on himself.

Well, that increasingly self-righteous yet equally self-sabotaging train of thought didn’t get very far.

Because before he could spiral into yet another impossible conclusion, something warm brushed against his now-sensitive ear.

...Jax had started nuzzling him.

The young official narrowed his eyes, finally wrenching himself away from the increasingly dangerous direction his thoughts were taking as he turned ever so slightly toward the culprit. Somewhere along the way, the redhead had apparently decided that fully resting his head on Killian’s shoulder after whispering straight into his ear was the most natural thing in the world.

"Are you a dog?" he asked.

It was partly because he genuinely wanted to know.

Mostly, however, it was because he desperately needed to talk about literally anything else rather than answer the question that still hung heavily between them.

Thankfully, Jax didn’t seem particularly concerned about anything. Not the side step or his actually rhetorical question.

Rather, the redhead spent a suspiciously long moment staring at Killian’s ears instead, watching them remain stubbornly red before quietly letting his gaze drift over the way the official’s body had gradually relaxed despite himself. Apparently deciding that this was already a rather satisfying sight, the redhead smiled.

"Oh. Well, I can be," Jax answered easily, remembering what he’d long since heard from a conversation between Ollie and Princess Kira. "If you think I’m cute like a dog."

"Who’s saying anything about being cute like a dog?" Killian replied with his usual exasperation, though even he knew it had less to do with the ridiculous answer and more to do with the fact that somehow, against all odds, this had become the topic of their discussion when there were countless other things that should’ve been occupying their attention.

Looking away once more, the eldest Nox searched for anything else to focus on.

"It’s because you’re sticking to me like some puppy that’s never heard of personal space," he muttered. "Lean any closer, and I won’t even be able to hear my own thoughts."

Surprisingly, Jax seemed to find that to be a genuinely wonderful outcome.

"Then that’s good."

Killian raised a brow.

"If you don’t get to think about so many things," Jax continued, gently lifting a hand to gesture toward the side of Killian’s head, "then maybe it won’t feel so crowded in there anymore."

His fingers lingered only briefly before falling away.

"As it is, I already think you need another break."

That, however, apparently wasn’t the end of his conclusion.

"Hmmm..." Jax hummed thoughtfully. "What if you just think about me instead?"

Who knows how many blinks he made, but Killian sure did fit a handful in that short moment.

"Everyone always says I’m really easy to figure out think about," the redhead continued as though proposing the most reasonable solution imaginable. "So if you think about me instead, maybe you’ll feel a little lighter."

The eldest Nox really couldn’t help it.

He scoffed.

It wasn’t even intentional. The sound simply escaped before he could stop himself.

"I don’t know who’s been telling you you’re easy to understand," he said, looking genuinely unconvinced, "but whoever they are must be nuts in their own respectable way."

Then, because apparently the dam had already broken, the complaints naturally kept flowing.

"No, wait. Actually... the truly insane ones may be the people claiming you’re easy to think about." Killian shook his head.

"Do you have any idea how many times I’ve wondered how you even made it to this age? Or what you could possibly be doing whenever everything suddenly becomes so quiet that not even a single peep could be heard? Just imagining what absurd thing you’ve gotten yourself into whenever you disappear from line of sight is already enough to send anyone’s imagination running wild—"

However, instead of the defensive whining he’d expected from most people, Jax simply sounded as though he were grinning from ear to ear.

"But isn’t it great that you do think about me?"

"...???"

"And pray tell," Killian asked dryly, "how could that possibly be a good thing?"

"Hm. Well, it’s because you generally don’t think about things that don’t matter to you."

Killian paused.

Not because he agreed.

Because he hadn’t expected that answer.

Once again, he turned toward the redhead nestled comfortably against his shoulder, only for Jax to raise his head at almost the same moment, leaving them looking straight into each other’s eyes.

In hindsight...

Allowing that much eye contact was probably a mistake.

But giving Jax the opportunity to speak first was an even bigger one.

"My mom always says that if I could get my foot through the door, then I should work harder until the rest of me gets welcomed too." His smile softened just a little. "So if I already manage to cross your mind every now and then, even just a tiny bit... then doesn’t that mean I’m already partway in?"

Killian’s throat tightened.

"So if I keep trying..." Jax continued quietly, gently resting his forehead against Killian’s, "won’t I eventually convince you that this isn’t nearly as bad as you’re imagining?"

The unexpected contact made the official’s eyes widen.

He simply stared.

Somewhere between the warmth resting against his forehead and the frightening sincerity in Jax’s gaze, the question escaped before he could stop it.

"How do you even know that?"

Jax smiled.

"I could tell you that I just do," he answered honestly, "but I don’t think you’d believe me."

His smile lingered.

"So maybe the better question is..." He tilted his head just enough for their foreheads to remain touching. "How can say I’m wrong... when you haven’t even tried it?"

"If someone came up to you and said they’d been asked to swear secrecy before being taken somewhere no one’s allowed to describe until an oath is made," Jax began, "you’d probably tell them not to follow strangers into strange places."

Killian frowned.

"Well... yes."

"In fact," Jax continued, sounding entirely too pleased with himself, "you’d probably even tell them to report it to the authorities. Better yet, you’d probably do it yourself."

The eldest Nox’s brows drew together further because, honestly, even children knew not to follow strangers.

"But now that you’re actually here in the dungeon space..." Jax tilted his head. "Don’t you think it turned out to be a pretty good gamble?"

Killian could already feel a proper lecture coming together.

Clearly, this guy had started using his brain far too much lately and was beginning to bring up examples he absolutely shouldn’t be bringing up. He’d only gone and weaponized Killian’s own reasoning against him. The young official opened his mouth, fully intending to launch into the sort of responsible adult explanation expected of the Empire’s youngest Chief of Staff.

Unfortunately...

Jax wasn’t done.

"And besides..." the redhead added with complete sincerity, "didn’t you also make a pretty great gamble every time we kissed?"

"!"

Killian nearly choked.

Heat rushed straight up his neck so quickly that he was convinced even the tips of his ears had become suspiciously warm.

Jax, meanwhile, looked entirely unaware of the devastation he’d just caused.

"I probably wasn’t very good the first time," he admitted with an easy grin. "But I think I’m a pretty fast learner."

He paused, looking genuinely thoughtful.

"And... I figured I got even better the more we did it."

"JAX!"

Killian Nox was truly a salad bowl of mortification as he found himself wondering whether, for the rest of his life, most of his interactions with Jax would involve hearing something outrageous enough to make him do a triple take.