The Author's POV Chapter 853 So Similar, Yet So Different [3]



Click—

"Uh… I'm fucking exhausted."

Upon returning from his job, Ren immediately flopped onto the plush sofa in his home.

As his frame sank into the cushions, a wave of relaxation washed over his weary muscles.

"Yeah… this is how it should be."

The room stayed dark, with just a faint glow slipping in through the slim parting of the curtains to his left.

Silence hung in the air around him.

"Hey, brother."

That hush shattered with the gentle voice of a young girl.

A tender smile lit up Ren's features as he gazed at the child.

"What is it, Nola?"

She held out a little ball toward him.

"Want to play?"

"Play? At this time?"

He glanced at his watch—21:00. Pretty late already, yet the pleading expression on his sister's face made him give in.

"Well… fine."

Grabbing his jacket, Ren stepped out of the house with Nola by his side.

Click—

"Here!"

They tossed the ball back and forth, one throwing while the other caught it. Nothing fancy, just a basic game.

A light wind swept through the deserted park where they played, carrying the sweet laughter of his sister everywhere. 

"Hahah…too strong!"

For what felt like ages, the pair kept at it. Ren lost all sense of time, lost in the joyful chuckles from his sister.

"Catc—oh, damn!"

The throw went too far, sending the ball sailing past the bushes.

"I'm sorry, Nola!"

Sorry came out of his mouth in a flash. 

"It's fine, brother!"

Ever the sweet little angel, Nola flashed a warm smile and scampered off toward the ball's landing spot. Soon, she vanished behind the distant shrubbery. 

Standing still, Ren watched with a gentle smile.

For an unknown stretch of time, he lingered there, eyes fixed on the bushes, smile unwavering.

Sometime later, the ball rolled up right under his feet, yet Nola had vanished from view.

Still, he stayed put and… waited.

Just standing, gaze empty on the ball below him.

"Ren! Ren!"

Sudden yells echoed from afar.

Turning around, he spotted two people he knew well.

"Mom, dad, you're also here to play?"

"Play?"

Tears welled up in Samantha's eyes while Ronald rested a hand on her shoulder.

"For god's sake, Ren! It's been ten years already! You need to start moving on! You can't just continue coming outside every day after work to stare emptily at a ball!"

Tears streamed down her face as Samantha shook all over. Her eyes puffed up red, pain etched deep. 

"I, it's time to move on… please. For you and for everyone… you need to m-ove on. You can't be like this!"

"No, but…"

Tuk—

With little force, Ren nudged the ball forward.

"Would you believe me if I told you she's the one asking me to come and play with her? Well…"

A shrug lifted his shoulders.

"What would you know? You died alongside her."

As he looked back, silence fell once more—their forms faded away. Suddenly, the park stood empty with only him there. 

"…"

Tuk—

One more kick to the ball, then Ren spun around and walked home.

"I'll see you again tomorrow."

***

The moment I first discovered my ability to go back in time remains vivid in my mind.

Excitement surged through me initially. Memories of my parents' deaths right before me, powerless to save them, twisted a sharp ache in my heart.

Talent never came naturally to me, and regression changed nothing about that.

Yet, lacking talent, money could pave the way—or so I believed then.

Naivety clouded my judgment.

Even as the world's wealthiest, all I witnessed repeatedly were my parents' final moments.

No matter.

Death struck again, but my memories from the prior life stuck with me. Perfect!

The goals unmet in two lives? Third time's the charm, surely?

…Not the third? Fourth then?

No luck there either? Fifth go-around?

Even shorter than before…

Did talent hold the secret to that flawless conclusion? The one where we beat the disaster and all I loved made it through?

Alright…

Not sure exactly when, but talent bloomed in me eventually.

The [Seed of Limit], as it's known. Kevin's words led me to it, shattering my boundaries.

Awesome!

Retry after retry… again and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again…

[Haha… maybe next time?]

[So close!]

[Ah, I know where I went wrong!]

[Aish! So close!]

[Fuuuuck! I was just about to stab him in the core!]

[Eh?]

[…What did I do wrong this time?]

[Mh? Kevin?]

[What? Why… what?]

[Ah… is it my fault this time?]

[Can he be killed?]

[What? That's bullshit.]

[Where… how did I die?]

[Where exactly did I mess up this time? I slaughtered every single person blocking my path and seized all the cheats for myself…]

[Could I truly be the issue?]

[No, that's not it.]

[…The real culprit is him.]

[Huh…? How am I back here? I definitely killed him!? Why have I returned out of nowhere!??? What's happening???]

[Is Kevin the only one capable of defeating Jezebeth? What in the world?!]

[But why couldn't he do it?]

[…How come he's this feeble?]

[Did I hoard too many cheats?]

[Why did he flop once more? This time… I didn't take a single thing.]

[Flop?]

[No way…]

[Not again?]

[…]

[…]

[…]

[I tried absolutely everything... So why won't he finish him off?]

[…Just kill me.]

[I crave death.]

[What's the point of my existence?]

[Help?]

[…]

[…]

[…]

[Who even am I?]

Eventually, I completely lost sight of my own identity.

Ren Dover? Samantha Dover? Nola Dover? Ronald Dover? Amanda Stern? Jin Horton? Emma Roshfield? Melissa Hall…

Familiar names that were slipping away from my memory.

I was forgetting who I truly was, and I refused to let that happen. I desperately held onto the remnants of those identities to avoid losing myself entirely, yet…

With each death and every horrifying scene I witnessed… my mind grew increasingly numb.

My feelings faded… my sense of self faded, and I began transforming.

Terror gripped me at the monster I'd turned into, yet simultaneously, I accepted this new version of myself.

If it meant escaping this nightmare… then fine.

Thus, I locked away everything. My emotions and the essence that defined… me.

I… I only wished for it all to stop.

I stopped counting the occasions when I slew those I'd once shared bonds with.

I morphed into… a being that even the demon king dreaded, though that was never my desire. At this stage, I simply yearned to perish… to witness the conclusion.

The passage ahead appeared infinite, devoid of any guiding light.

Having tasted death countless times, it grew familiar to me. That fleeting instant of death and regression turned into the most serene and cherished moments in my existence. 

Occasionally, I'd end my own life just to savor those instants. Regrettably, they passed too swiftly for true enjoyment. 

It felt as if eternal torment was my destiny… and I nearly surrendered to despair.

I attempted it repeatedly, endlessly, without ever nearing victory… 

Everything shifted, though, once I uncovered the full truth.

In an instant, the pitch-black tunnel blazed with radiant light. Without a second thought, I advanced into it.

This glow promised my release from the torment.

The nearer I drew, the freer I felt, until stepping through it placed me in a barren realm with a white floor mirroring my image.

Before me stood the entity born from my deeds.

He'd endured hardships too… but embodied everything I longed to become.

The flawless iteration of me, surrounded by those he cherished, living the dream life I'd always envisioned.

"I… am not sorry for what I did, nor will I ever be sorry for what I did." 

My actions had paved the way for this. 

"I may have been consumed by my goal, and the things that I did to you may have been inexcusable, but… I did what I did in order to free myself from the curse that had been binding me for the many years that I've lived."

Words flowed from my lips as I gazed upon my alternate self.

"I've always hated what I've become, but I never regretted becoming what I am today. Circumstances made me who I am today, and I embraced what I've become. I wouldn't know what I'd do if I hated myself when I already hated everything, and everyone around me." 

I might have utterly shattered by then and fallen apart. Several times, I teetered on the edge, yet somehow I held on.

Even if only by a thread. 

"Once again…"

My legs carried me forward involuntarily, bringing me near my other self. I lifted my hand and pressed my finger to his chest, mirroring his earlier gesture.

"…I don't regret any of the actions that I took. I'm not sorry, I will never be sorry, and I will never… ever regret my actions." 

I stressed this point deliberately. 

Regret belonged to those burdened by sorrow or dismay over their deeds. No sorrow or dismay troubled me regarding my choices. 

Full satisfaction filled me with my path. 

He stood as irrefutable proof. 

"I did what I did because circumstances made me this way, but all the things I've come to regret in the past… I no longer do."

"Call me crazy, but perhaps… this was all meant to be. Perhaps this endless torture that I went through… perhaps it was all for this moment, and for that…"

A brilliant glow emanated from my fingertip, wrapping around my other self. My eyes shut as my form grew feather-light, and upon reopening them, my hand had turned see-through, nearly invisible.

Stepping back a few paces, an unprecedented lightness enveloped me.

Lighter than ever before.

This sensation wasn't unpleasant at all. A refreshing feeling washed over me… one absent for ages—and strangely, relief settled within me.

'Yeah… this is how it's supposed to be. What a life I've lived… huh?'

Without thinking, the corners of my mouth lifted slightly. Directing my gaze back to my alternate self, fully immersed in the gift I'd passed to him, my lips curved upward again.

"Yeah… This is how it's meant to be…"

Tiny motes of light ascending into the sky were the final sight before my vision faded.

At last… after endless years… peace finally embraced me.

My suffering… it had come to an end at last.

***

Opening my eyes once more, countless tiny lights drifting upward filled my view.

Gazing at those drifting specks, a flood of varied emotions swept through my thoughts right then. Ultimately, I simply bowed my head.

"As much as I hated you… I guess I understand where you're coming from."

Observing my own reflection, I realized my appearance hadn't altered. My hair kept its familiar shade, and my eyes remained that intense blue.

That… naturally, stood as the only unchanged aspect.

Gripping and releasing my fist repeatedly, raw power pulsed through my every limb. Fresh knowledge poured into my mind, while the forces inside me began to settle.

I sensed… total unity with myself, more aligned with the surrounding world than ever before.

Faint though it was, an additional presence lingered in the atmosphere.

Within easy grasp, yet simultaneously beyond my fingertips.

'Is this the power Jezebeth obsesses over so much?'

The Records… I sensed them now for the first time, closer than ever before. Tremendous energy emanated from them, and I grasped at last why Jezebeth craved that strength so fiercely.

'So long as I defeat Jezebeth…'

Cra— Crack! Lifting my hand, the space nearby crumbled, exposing a blood-red realm. Advancing a step, my surroundings shifted, and a recognizable form materialized ahead.

Our gazes locked in that instant, and everything around us froze still.