I Am The Game's Villain Chapter 818: Blood Wedding [3]

[Alicia,

To be honest, even as I write this, I still do not know how I am supposed to begin.

We only just returned from the past, from the Blood Moon War, and I thought that after everything we went through there, my feelings would finally be clearer. I thought I would know exactly what to say to you, exactly how to write a letter meant only for you.

But it is harder than I expected.

Mostly because I still cannot properly explain what kind of relationship we came to have.

Senior and junior, perhaps. That would be the simplest way to describe it. It would even be technically true. But it is also far too cold, too shallow, too small for everything that came after. We both know that whatever existed between us by the end of this past year could no longer be contained by something as simple as that.

I still remember the first day I really noticed you.

You had been cornered by Adrian. I saw it happening, and I chose not to intervene. You did not seem to care either. At the time, I think that moment said everything about who we both were.

I did not want to involve myself in matters that were not mine. I wanted distance, silence, the right to remain untouched by other people’s troubles.

And you... you were not some helpless girl waiting to be saved. You did not look at me with expectation, and you did not resent my inaction. You simply accepted whatever outcome would come, as if that was the natural order of things.

That was how we both lived back then, wasn’t it?

Detached.

Closed off.

Prepared to bear things alone.

But we were wrong.

Both of us changed.

Maybe it truly began during that exam in the Dolphian Capital, when we were forced into the same group. Maybe that was the first crack. Then came the Utopian War. And after that, the Blood Moon War. Somewhere along the way, that cold distance between us disappeared without either of us noticing exactly when.

I suppose I owe you more apologies than I ever properly gave.

For that ridiculous bet with Adrian, first of all, where I treated your future as if it were something I had the right to interfere with without even asking what you wanted. And then, more than that, for stealing the Seed of Eden from you.

I know how terrible that was.

And I know that no explanation I give will make it feel any less like betrayal.

But I truly had no other choice.

If I had asked you, you would never have given it to me, and I understood that. Yet it was necessary. The war had to end in a way that gave something to both sides. Otherwise, resentment would have continued to fester in one camp or the other, growing quietly until it became another disaster waiting to happen.

You probably do not care much about Utopia itself, and if you are reading this, you are likely wondering where that sudden burst of empathy came from, especially from me of all people.

The truth is, I cannot fully explain it either.

War changes the way one sees things. It forces ugly perspectives upon you. In the end, perhaps I was weak when I made that choice.

But I do not regret it.

And strangely enough, please do not take this the wrong way, I think stealing that Seed from you brought us closer in its own twisted way. Through pain, through anger, through everything that came afterward... and then through Elizabeth’s death.

There is something I never told you, perhaps because I did not know how, or perhaps because some truths are hardest to say when they matter most.

Alicia, your presence saved me.

That day, after I lost Elizabeth and two other precious people in my life, if you had not been there beside me when we were thrown into the past, I think I would have truly lost myself. I do not mean that lightly. I think I might have collapsed completely. I might never have returned at all.

I might have died there.

Or become something even worse.

By then, my mind had already reached a dangerous place. My grief, my exhaustion, the thoughts I kept hidden even from myself, they had pushed me closer to the edge than anyone realized. But you were there. And because you were there, I held on.

Because I did not want to lose you too.

That was when I understood how precious you had become to me. When I realized that giving up was no longer an option, because if I did, it would not only be my own end. I had to survive. If for nothing else, then at least to bring you safely back to our own time.

And for giving me that strength, Alicia, I will always be grateful to you.

For all the horror of that era, for all the blood and ruin that surrounded us, we still shared something real there. Something good. We became closer than either of us had intended. Closer than I ever expected.

And then, somehow, we even had a daughter.

Not truly, not by blood in the ordinary way, not in the way the world would define such things. But for us, Levina became special almost immediately, didn’t she? In a way that did not need explanation.

She mattered.

She still matters.

And if you are reading this now, then it means I failed her.

Levina.

You have no idea how sorry I am.

I made you a promise, and I broke it. You waited so long to be reunited with me, and once again all I can leave behind is an apology. Circumstances brought us together in a way neither of us could have ever chosen, but I am still glad that on that day, long ago, you were born from my blood.

Yet my life, from beginning to end, never truly allowed me to become what I should have been for you.

A father.

At least, not in the way you deserved.

So all I can hope is that somewhere in your heart, you will still remember me as one, as the father figure I tried to be, however imperfectly, when you first came into this world five hundred years ago.

Forget the rest if you must.

Forget my failures.

Just remember that part.

And stay by Alicia’s side.

Alicia.

Forgive me, once again, because I can only entrust this to you.

If I die, then I intend to release Elizabeth from her slumber.

I promised her that I would be there when she awoke. I promised I would stand beside her in that moment. But if you are reading this, then I likely was not there. And more than my own death, it is her reaction to that truth which concerns me.

For the past thousand years she knew of my existence. And the simple fact that I was not beside her, that I was absent, unreachable, perhaps to her even no better than nonexistent, helped drive her into madness. She fed her frustrations, her loneliness, her anger, her pain, agony, torture, and tried to cure that wound by turning her gaze upon Sancta Vedelia itself.

If she learns that I died...

I fear she may do so again.

And if that happens, I do not think many people in this world would be able to stop her.

Except, perhaps, you.

That is why I am leaving her to you.

I know that sounds absurd. Foolish, even cruel. You may think me an idiot for daring to release her while knowing I was likely going to die, especially knowing exactly what she is capable of.

And perhaps I am.

But we both know how much she suffered.

I knew it better than most. I knew how much pain she carried, how much of herself had been devoured by waiting, by grief, by rage. And because of that, I could not leave her sleeping forever simply because I failed her.

That would have been another form of cowardice.

So yes, I am leaving you with a terrible burden, and I am sorry for that. But I am also counting on you, Alicia.

You are stronger than you think.

Far stronger.

You only need to believe that yourself. If you do, I know you will be able to reach Elizabeth. Perhaps more easily than you realize. She always held a special place for you, whether she said it openly or not. If anyone can pull her back from the edge, I believe it is you.

And while you are doing that... protect Vina for me too.

Be there in the ways I failed to be.

Be better than me.

She is still a child at heart, no matter how much she may pretend otherwise, and she deserved more than what my incapable self was able to give her.

At least one thing turned out for the best.

Thankfully, we never crossed that final line.

Or at least, you did not while you were in that Vampire Witch state.

I suppose that is my awkward way of saying I am grateful for one mercy among many disasters.

So please, Alicia.

Be happy.

You still have a long life ahead of you.

And you will not walk it alone.

You have a caring father.

A mother.

Brothers.

You still have Vina.

Take care of her.

Take care of yourself.

]

***

Alicia had never believed she could suffer a pain greater than the one she felt when Elizabeth died.

And yet it seemed she had once again underestimated just how cruel life had always been toward her.

In the span of a single night, she had lost two brothers,and someone who had become just as important as either of them.

No matter what Cyril had become in the end, no matter how cold, cruel, or distant he had turned, he had still been her first elder brother. He had once been the one who cared for her when their parents were too occupied, too distant, or simply too cold to notice what she needed. There had been a time when Cyril had loved her more openly than anyone else in that household, and those memories did not vanish just because the man he became was someone she had come to resent.

She had hated him.

Truly hated him.

But she had never wished him dead.

And yet he died.

Then Sirius followed.

That wound had cut even deeper.

Sirius had been the brother closest to her heart. He was never the loudest presence in her life, never the one who demanded attention, but whenever he came to her, he always left her making sure she would know that he would be there for her, no matter what happened. Through Sirius alone, Alicia had allowed herself to believe that her family was not completely broken beyond repair. Through him, she had held on to the foolish, fragile hope that one day there might still be some kind of reconciliation, despite all the bitterness she carried toward her father and all the damage already done.

And this past year, more than ever, Sirius had become the elder brother she had once thought Cyril would always be.

Kind and reliable when things would get really hard.

The one she could still lean on.

But after reading his letter, she only felt foolish.

Now, in her bitterness, all she could think was that perhaps his tenderness in those final days had come from the fact that he already knew. That he had already accepted he was going to die and leave her behind, and so he had chosen to be kinder at the end because of it.

That thought made her angry.

Bitter.

Wounded in a way she could not even name properly.

And yet, no matter how much she tried, she could not hate him.

How could she?

She no longer had the strength for hatred by the time the third blow fell upon her.

The third loss.

The third death of someone she loved.

And on that same day—

Amael.

At first, she had barely been able to believe it.

There was no body, after all. Nothing left to hold, nothing left to see, nothing left to bury. And yet everyone who had been there, everyone who had witnessed it, said the same thing: Amael had died before their eyes, leaving nothing behind.

And perhaps, deep inside, Alicia had known it too.

For a vampire, blood was never something trivial. To drink from someone was to leave a trace. To share blood over and over again was to create a connection that went deeper than words, deeper than reason, deeper perhaps than many would understand unless they had lived it themselves. And in Alicia’s case, that bond had become especially strong. She had taken Amael’s blood many times. More than that, she had shared with him a connection so ’intimate’, so profound, that it nearly resembled the bond a true vampire couple was meant to possess.

So when he died, she felt it.

Something inside her being severed.

A thread pulled loose from the depths of her chest.

A presence cut away.

He was gone.

Gone just after fighting Sirius to the death.

None of it made sense.

No matter how many times she turned the events over in her mind, she could not understand any of it.

Why had it happened?

Why had it ended that way?

The last time she had seen Sirius, he had been smiling at her, speaking gently, promising that her future would no longer be so bleak.

The last time she had seen Amael, he had seen her off with that light smile of his, even teasing her a little as if there would always be another time, another meeting, another tomorrow.

And yet both of them had died.

She felt betrayed by that.

But strangely, no anger ever truly came from it.

Only emptiness.

A terrible, airless hollowness.

She could barely feel anything anymore.

She had regained Elizabeth.

And in return, she had lost two brothers... and Amael.

Then came Amael’s letter, and that was the final blow.

Just like Sirius, he had left behind words anticipating his own death. He had known. He had prepared for it. He had written to her as though he had already accepted leaving her behind, and when Alicia read those lines, tears fell from her in endless waves, tears born from grief, anger, confusion, and a helpless incomprehension that only deepened with every sentence.

How dare they leave letters like that for her?

What had they expected her to feel?

Comfort?

Closure?

She felt only more pain reading their words than she had felt when she first heard they were dead.

"He is not dead."

Alicia’s trembling gaze lifted toward the doorway.

Levina stood there, dressed in white.

The sight of her in mourning colors made the ache inside Alicia deepen at once.

"He is not dead, Mom," Levina said again.

"Vina..."

"V—Viessa told me..." Levina’s voice broke slightly as she came closer. "She told me I would be reunited with you and him."

Her eyes fell to the letter in Alicia’s hand. Without hesitation, she took it from her. Her gaze skimmed over part of it for only a brief moment before she cast it aside with sudden force.

"H—He promised..." She said, looking back at Alicia, her crimson eyes turning moist. "He promised, Mom..."

The pain in her voice was unbearable.

Alicia looked at her and felt her heart twist.

Levina had waited five hundred years for them.

Five hundred years.

And even after finally finding them again, she had still been forced to wait longer, forced to endure as they struggled to recover what had once been theirs, or rather to live through the memories she already had during their journey into the past. And then, when they had finally returned, when they should have at last been together...

One of them was gone.

Despite all those centuries she had endured, Levina still wore the appearance of a girl of twelve. She looked so small in that moment. So young. Just a broken child in a white dress, a girl who had just lost the father who had loved her from the very beginning, who had loved her even before he remembered her, who had protected her by instinct, by affection, by something deeper than memory itself.

Alicia could not bear it.

She opened her arms and drew Levina gently against her, holding her close.

She said nothing.

She did not have the strength to speak.

She had cried too much already in that cursed week. Her grief had worn her hollow, stripped her bare, left her with barely enough strength to keep standing.

But even so, she wanted to be there for Levina.

She wanted to become an anchor for her, to give her something solid at last after five hundred years of loneliness and waiting. And if she was honest, there was something selfish in it too. She needed Levina as much as Levina needed her. She wanted her there, close, beside her.

She wanted someone who would not leave.

Someone who would not abandon her the way her two brothers had.

The way Amael had.

So Alicia held her tighter, as though by doing so she could keep at least one precious thing from being taken away again.