Horror Game Developer: My games aren't that scary! Chapter 576: Identity [2]

During the countless days I spent in this bizarre castle, I noticed one particular thing.

It offered more than just a feeling of safety. Beyond delivering a comfort so profound it overtook the thoughts, this place methodically and relentlessly eroded a person's sense of self and all that defined them before.

Tap—

—Observation Diary, Day 66. I've gathered every piece of useful data on the corpses in that chamber. I examined their phones and whatever information I could uncover about them. Then, I headed to the central courtyard to watch the people there.

—As far as I can tell, the extended time spent here causes a loss of one's self-awareness. It begins with forgetting their name. Gradually, their distinctive traits start to vanish. Bit by bit, they surrender all aspects of their former lives, ending up as nothing but blank-faced puppets.

Tap—

—Observation Diary, Day 49. Changes are occurring with Drake and Esteban. I figured they'd succumbed to the illusions, yet they've endured far beyond my predictions. Not for nothing was one a Paragon. I suspect Leon interfered with them, which is why they couldn't bounce back. I have... an idea brewing.

Tap—

—Observation Diary, Day 94. Sleep has been forsaken. My thoughts are... jumbled. Visions are creeping in. Do I... press on? The bed calls to me. Should I rest? I require rest. I crave rest. Allow me to rest. Let me rest. No, rest is forbidden! Rest is impossible! Yet I yearn for rest.

Tap—

—Day... 107. Adaptation is setting in. Visions appear... all around. But death has claimed me. Nothing matters now. Soon, I'll give up the capacity to drink. Observation continues. Thoughts... elude me. Consciousness wanes. Mobility... falters.

Tap—

—Day... 143. Understanding is dawning... I think. A hold on... my next steps has formed. This castle... it... it's... What subject was that? W-what's my purpose here? Thirst consumes me.

Tap—

—165. Thirst. Hunger. Thirst. Hunger. Drowsiness. Drowsiness. Thirst. Hunger. Drowsiness. Agony. Despise it. I...

Tap—

—HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHA!

Tap—

—....Hahahahahahahaha!

Tap—

—.....Ha.

Tap—

—.....

Tap—

—.....

Tap—

—.....

Tap—

—.....

Tap—

*

".....I... I'm losing my mind. Resisting the impulses is torture. The... further I sacrifice, the madder I get... I can't remember when I last felt ordinary. How... much longer can sanity hold? How long... can my sense of self endure?"

Into the quiet, my raspy voice murmured.

With my sole remaining eye, I idly gazed at the overhead ceiling.

Within my thoughts, all seemed hazy and indistinct.

The passage of time escaped my grasp.

It seemed merely a single day had elapsed, but the audio logs revealed otherwise.

Far more duration had actually slipped by.

"Hundreds... of recordings exist. Damn it."

That fleeting sharpness in my perception...

For how long could I cling to it?

As moments dragged on, the erosion of my core self intensified.

’No... I mustn't yield. I-I have to hold on.’

Everything else could vanish, except my essence. Losing that would mean true demise.

Rising to my feet, I halted abruptly.

Glancing rightward, the absence of my right arm struck me. Just the left lingered, and probing my face yielded no sensation. Nose, ears, lips...

"A-ah."

I lurched ahead unsteadily.

Each inhalation burned fiercely, and as steps carried me onward, the surroundings whirled dizzyingly.

Whispers stirred within my psyche while I pressed on. Destination unknown, only the compulsion to advance remained.

Further I trudged, deeper into mental fog I sank.

Yet simultaneously...

’I understand.’

I... comprehended my required action.

Staggering persisted.

Driven by scant mental lucidity, I veered into yet another chamber. Rational thought failed, but instinct guided my form.

That interval blurred into obscurity.

An action was recalled vaguely, but recollection attempts smeared it into nothingness.

"A-ah."

Awareness resurfaced to find me back in the hallway.

Thump!

Legs buckled without warning.

The floor met my fall.

N-no.

Gripping the surface, I propelled myself ahead using my lone arm. Progress was minimal, mere meters at most.

Persistence endured.

Forward motion continued.

Compulsion drove me onward.

Until—

"How pitiful."

A gentle tone drifted to my hearing.

Lifting my gaze, polished footwear appeared in view.

"Your current state appears utterly wretched. Is this suffering truly justified? Tormenting yourself so severely? For what purpose?"

Struggle ceased in that instant.

Tension melted from my frame as the soothing timbre enveloped me from overhead.

"The simple path was open to you. You could have indulged in endless meals, quenched every thirst with ample water, and rested on the most luxurious beds imaginable. Yet you endured hardship for hundreds of days... why? What drove that endurance?"

The timbre carried a calming quality to the listener.

Sufficient to induce deeper ease.

But such ease proved short-lived.

"Nothing has been accomplished."

A alteration crept into the timbre.

Ambient air shifted accordingly, an icy chill permeating the area.

"Truthfully, I permitted your efforts because I anticipated a plan. After eons in this domain, I hoped for a novel spectacle. Something to reshape my view of humanity. Yet ultimately... it was mere obstinacy fueling your fight."

Regret echoed evidently.

"Endurance stemmed not from fear of death or similar motives. Refusal to perish arose solely from sheer bullheadedness. Nothing more. You're unremarkable. Merely... akin to the rest. An even more pathetic iteration."

Harshness laced the timbre.

It boomed across the vicinity as motion halted.

"Remains of your former self linger as an empty husk. Release it all. No purpose in persisting. Cease the futile resistance born of stubbornness. Escape was possible had you desired it."

"....."

Briefly, his words pierced through, tempting obedience.

Accuracy rang in his assessment. Why endure the torment? Kyle, the Squad, the others... they'd manage fine in my absence.

Importance eluded me.

A transient recollection in their existences.

Yet, no...

’T-that's... incorrect.’

Tremors seized my form.

In that fleeting instant, mental fog lifted.

"Hm?"

Detecting the change, his posture inclined slightly.

My appearance likely struck him as profoundly pitiable. Facial features lay in ruins, flesh ripped and distorted from repeated assaults. Surviving traces of expression hung rigid and vacant, scarcely human-like.

One-armed, I resembled an invalid.

Then, I evoked less a person and more a remnant hauled through perpetual torment, propelled by inexplicable will.

Nevertheless—

"A mental change is evident. Still resisting? Why...?"

This eluded his comprehension.

"I've stated it previously. Departure was feasible at will. Prolonged presence despite elapsed time indicates reluctance to depart. Desire lingers to remain and savor it all, hindered only by—"

Abruptly, silence fell.

Concurrently, my head rose gradually.

Utterance halted as direct gaze met mine.

Realization dawned upon him in that stare.

"Ha... ha."

Amid this lucidity, insight struck me.

Maybe his words held truth.

Maybe... True intent to exit would have revealed the way.

Clarity prevailed.

Departure held no appeal for me.

Not due to allure of feasts or revelry, nor other notions. Something deeper stirred.

Far more depraved.

Corrupted.

Indeed.

In essence...

"I... desire to..."

Unbeknownst, lips curled into a grin.

For the first occasion, the man's countenance altered before my eye.

"...force you to kneel."

Rasping emerged like shattered shards.

"I yearn to feel..."

My gaze fixed upon him.

"...crushing a monarch beneath my foot."

Hehe...

"Ha... he..."

Shoulders shook.

"Ha... ha..."

Laughter bubbled forth.

Yet within my thoughts—

unprecedented sharpness reigned.

Greater the losses...

Greater the forfeitures...

More fragments of self discarded...

Sharper the revelation grew.

The true essence hidden under superfluous facades that concealed the core.

"Ha... haha..."

Never the executioner was I.

Nor the fool.

No.

Far graver the nature.

Utterly repugnant.

A being deriving savage delight from trampling superiors.

I embodied...

One who would raze all, self included, solely to witness a sovereign's submission.

A Perverted Being.