Endless Debt Chapter 998 - 83: Heart of Iron and Stone

Aimou never doubted Bologue’s iron-like demeanor. To this Undead, he seemed to be without fatigue, pain, or rest, but now this iron man had surprisingly negated his own toughness and revealed his vulnerability.

"Aimou... I’ve been thinking about these things for a long time. I always thought I found the answers, but actually, I didn’t. When Church lay in front of me like that, I vaguely realized the true answer."

Bologue’s hands clutched and released nervously in front of him, looking to Aimou like a graduate preparing for an interview.

It was the first time Aimou saw Bologue like this.

"Hmm, I’m listening."

Aimou listened to Bologue’s thoughts. To have such an iron man express his inner feelings to her—one could see how immense the pressure Bologue was under at this moment.

She needed to help Bologue, just as he had helped her.

Yes, that’s right, Aimou had always felt she had done something wrong. She wanted to make it up to Bologue but didn’t know how, so all she could do was tirelessly maintain Bologue’s equipment.

"I used to think I was a highly responsible person."

Bologue spoke and then paused, thinking about how to share these things with Aimou, revealing this unknown side of himself.

"I rarely make promises, but once I do, I will definitely fulfill them. That’s where I feel I’m responsible. But now, looking back, I find that I resist making promises to others, just like with this temporary task force we’ve set up."

Bologue wasn’t sure how to accurately describe his emotions, "I place great importance on responsibility. I force myself, will do it no matter what, but I also resist these things..."

"Previously, when acting as a team member, I could handle everything easily. I only needed to be responsible for the job and myself... I was the least of my worries, but when the temporary task force was formed and others entrusted their lives to me, I felt an unimaginable pressure."

Recalling, Bologue said, "It’s not the first time I’ve held others’ lives like this. During wartime, I saw too many people die around me, and I felt nothing about it. But now it’s different..."

"Now they’ve become part of your life, and the fall of any one of them would shatter the life you’ve rebuilt."

Aimou said as she leaned closer to Bologue, their arms pressing tightly together, and Aimou was so close that Bologue could feel her breath.

"Is that so?"

"Maybe... maybe."

Bologue looked up at the sky. Some things he didn’t say. It wasn’t just his team members’ lives—under the control of the Devil and the commission of others, perhaps in the future, the direction of the world would fall on his shoulders.

Deciding the fate of the world—this sounded too grandiose, completely at odds with someone like Bologue.

"So, I think I might not be as highly responsible as I imagined; on the contrary, I’m a coward. I fear responsibility; I avoid responsibility.

Whenever responsibility descends, I will go to any lengths to complete it and then rid myself of it."

Bologue covered his face, his voice low, "When I saw Church like that, I suddenly saw many people. This time it was Church lying in front of me; next time, it might be Hart, Palmer... you."

The cold wind swept through, emitting a sound like laughter as if someone were mocking Bologue.

"Does it sound surprising?" Bologue lowered his hand, looking tiredly at Aimou, "In fact, I’m actually such a person."

"No... I’m not surprised."

Suddenly, Aimou grabbed Bologue’s hand. With the existence of the Blessing · Time Reversing Axis, Bologue would always return to his most perfect state. For this reason, his hands bore no scars or calluses, yet Aimou could still feel the fissures that seemed to be etched into his soul.

"You’re not afraid of responsibility, Bologue."

Aimou emphasized; she had to make Bologue see this clearly, "What you really fear is that this hard-won beautiful life will be shattered again."

Bologue’s pupils slightly contracted, as if someone had struck a chord in his heart.

"Just like what you’ve experienced before..."

Aimou’s voice softened. When one person grows attached to another, they inevitably try to understand everything about them. Aimou was the same.

From the information she gathered, Aimou could piece together a blurry image of Bologue’s past life. He suffered hardships, endured long imprisonments, and at his darkest moment, he was saved by an old friend. But before he could repay this, his old friend was gone.

Bologue’s heart turned cold once more, as hard as iron, until that crazy rainy night, until he personally executed the Man-eater and crushed Sandbox’s skull. Only then did he find a bit of relief from the pain.

In the life that followed, more and more friends softened Bologue’s heart, allowing him to regain that precious beauty, making him infinitely fearful of losing it again.

Bologue had already suffered such fear once. He was so afraid of such a possibility that he mistakenly believed the root of his problem was evading responsibility.

"Do you understand what I mean? Bologue, you are not someone who fears or escapes responsibility."

Aimou struggled to find the right words, and then realized that for someone as stubborn as Bologue, he needed more intense treatment and stronger words.

"You just... just love others too much."

"Love?"

When Bologue heard this word, he questioned, "Are you serious?"

He felt that Aimou almost made him laugh, "You know me, whether it’s the family gatherings or the Undying Club, I’m always sitting on the side, never trying to fit in..."

Aimou interrupted, "Are you desperately trying to prove that you don’t love anyone else?"

Bologue was momentarily at a loss for words.

Aimou moved closer to Bologue, those exquisite, gorgeous eyes so near, shimmering halos circled the edges of her pupils. In the dim light, Bologue saw his reflection in Aimou’s eyes, his own expression so terrified.

"Speak, Bologue," Aimou pressed on, "Do you mean to say that you are a cold person who doesn’t love anyone?"

Bologue remained silent.

Aimou knew she had won and feigned sadness, "If others, especially Palmer, heard this, they would be so upset, given that he’s your roommate, you know."

Bologue still stayed silent, Aimou’s words were somewhat terrifying for Bologue.

Love, how could that be possible?

But to deny Aimou’s words, Bologue couldn’t do that either. It would be too cruel, both for others and for himself.

"That’s it, Bologue, because of past experiences, because of your damn personality, because of everything awful in this world... you’ve twisted love, turned it into some kind of distorted sense of duty, and you actually enjoy it."

Aimou’s words left Bologue’s mind blank. Before Aimou raised this possibility, Bologue had never considered these things. He was like someone numb, crawling on the ground, never lifting his head to look at the sky.

"Haven’t you realized, Bologue? Think about the vengeful anger that supports your fight," Aimou questioned, "Why do you yearn for revenge?"

Bologue answered dreamily, "Those bastards killed Adelle."

"Why does Adelle’s death cause you such pain and drive you to furious revenge?"

Bologue wanted to say something, but no sound came out. His lips trembled slightly, as an unprecedented feeling surged in his heart.

"Because... because I love her."

How could Bologue not love the person who gave him warmth?

"What about Church?" Aimou continued questioning, "Why does he also evoke such emotions in you?"

A twisted mind witnessed the birth of light, obviously it was so close to him, yet he had always ignored its existence.

Bologue looked at Aimou in terror, and amidst the fear, many unprecedented emotions emerged in his eyes, emotions that Aimou had never seen, and that Bologue had always repressed deep down.

"Because you love them too, love everyone, you feel their pain as your pain, you feel the pressure from holding their lives."

Aimou looked at Bologue in confusion, as if she couldn’t understand why Bologue would be so troubled over such issues.

"That’s the answer to the problem, it’s very simple."

Aimou added, "But for you, it’s also very difficult."

This time Bologue was silent for a long time, sometimes joyful for his genuine passion, other times in pain and anger because of Church’s injuries and the coming battles ahead.

"It’s unrelated to the sense of duty, and you’ve never faced your emotions seriously, you are human, not a machine. Twisted thoughts will only suffocate and die in this oppressive spiral."

Aimou looked at Bologue with a bit of relief, talking to herself, "I felt something was off long ago."

She reached out her hand to stroke Bologue’s back.

"Clearly you have a body of flesh and blood, why is your inner heart like iron and stone?"

After a long silence, Bologue’s eyes became clear, his voice carrying a hint of liberation and realization.

"Thank you, Aimou."

"You’re welcome."

Aimou was glad to see Bologue regain his spirit, then she thought of something, some small selfish motives, a trap laid early on.

She leaned against Bologue, speaking in an extremely low voice and gentle tone.

"So, you love me too, right?"

Bologue naturally responded, "Of course."

As soon as the words left his mouth, Bologue, sensing something amiss in the atmosphere, looked at Aimou with slight confusion and surprise, while Aimou let out a sly laugh, leaving people puzzled.

In their long companionship, Aimou had always behaved too obediently, making Bologue forget that she was actually as cunning as a fox.

Bologue stood stunned in place, as a storm of thoughts swirled in his mind.