Endless Debt Chapter 1128 - 127: New Beginnings

Wiping the sleep from his eyes, Bologue steered the inebriated Palmer back to their quarters, the man practically a soggy mess. Bologue unceremoniously deposited him onto the bed, draped him with a blanket, and after a lightning-fast freshen-up, retreated to his own chambers.

Illuminating his desk with the lamp, a pool of light cut through the darkness. Bologue retrieved his notebook from a drawer and, with a flourish, began to scribe a lengthy passage. Normally, writing absorbed him completely, but lately, his thoughts had proved stubbornly elusive.

A profound disquiet settled upon Bologue, a turbulent, knotted feeling that defied resolution.

Mercifully, time possessed the power to dull even the sharpest pains. Bologue had, in time, begun to assimilate the reality of Xilin’s return. A peculiar intuition stirred within him, a premonition that a reunion with Xilin loomed in the not-too-distant future...

Whether this encounter would be one of peaceful coexistence or a clash of blades, Bologue remained uncertain.

"Argh..."

Bologue massaged his temples with vigor. The lingering phantoms conjured by the Confession Song had long since vanished, yet a new set of afflictions had taken root: persistent headaches and sleepless nights. These symptoms were exacting a heavy toll on his mental fortitude, far beyond the restorative capabilities of the Blessing of the Time Reversing Axis.

He couldn't fathom the source of his current state; he surmised it stemmed from some internal conflict. But what was this conflict? He considered himself, in terms of life's trajectory, an almost purely rational entity, functioning with mechanical efficiency.

The answer remained out of reach.

Bologue sat in contemplation for an extended period, the clock hands inching towards the deep hours of the night. Then, a sudden movement. He opened a cabinet, rummaged through a collection of keepsakes, and retrieved a jewelry box. From it, he withdrew a necklace, its chain adorned with both a ring and a cross.

Gazing intently at the ring and cross for a considerable duration, Bologue voiced his thoughts softly.

"A fresh start."

Setting the necklace aside, Bologue picked up his pen and paper, determined to articulate his musings. When faced with an enigma, his habit was to commit his thoughts to writing, much like dissecting a mathematical problem, filling pages with reasoned derivations.

"I believe... I harbor affection for Aimou."

He inscribed this declaration at the apex of the page. It was a sentiment both tender and direct, yet Bologue’s countenance remained impassive, as if a scholar meticulously dissecting a psychological quandary with the same detachment as an algebraic equation.

"Then, what constitutes 'like' and 'love'?"

Bologue posed this question, subsequently transcribing his contemplations. His brow furrowed, mimicking the intense concentration of a dedicated scholar immersed in profound theoretical study.

"From a biological standpoint, love manifests as a symphony of physiological reactions, encompassing shifts in hormones and neurotransmitters. These biochemical alterations can profoundly influence psychological states and behavioral patterns, fostering a greater propensity for forming deep emotional connections."

"In essence, the core of love resides in hormonal secretions and the intricate dance of neurotransmitter signals."

"Elevated levels of phenylethylamine and dopamine contribute to the heightened idealization of one's beloved, imbuing them with perceived material form and eliciting unique interactive behaviors."

Bologue's writing faltered momentarily before he resumed.

"It closely mirrors the reward mechanisms observed in laboratory animals; each encounter we share serves as an implicit reward, cultivating a yearning for further interaction."

"Precisely. That's the key."

"Modifications within the neural reward pathways compel the subject to exhibit amplified positive responses. When individuals experience the rapid and intense onset of love, they perceive their partner as an ultimate prize, akin to the elation felt upon achieving a momentous triumph."

Bologue ceased writing, sensing he had stumbled into an intellectual cul-de-sac. The articulation, while characteristic of his analytical nature, struck him as excessively clinical and stark. Though undeniably his style, its presentation felt undeniably... primal.

"If that is the case, why do I possess an innate resistance towards Aimou?"

Bologue's self-awareness was acute. After a period of reflection, he added another statement.

"Do I find Aimou objectionable? That proposition is demonstrably false. From a physiological perspective, she absolutely qualifies as a 'reward,' triggering the release of my hormones, inducing cerebral pleasure, and elevating my spirits. Yet, why do I resist sustaining this state over extended periods?"

Were Palmer to awaken at this juncture and witness Bologue's introspective monologue and written confessions, he would undoubtedly brand Bologue as utterly unhinged.

He might then, perhaps, preserve these writings as a peculiar memento; in this era, individuals exhibiting such precise and profound eccentricity are exceedingly rare.

Bologue's gaze drifted back to the ring and cross, the likely source of his internal conflict becoming apparent. "Is this attributed to Adelle?"

Following the thread of his inquiry, he continued to write.

"I have been perpetually ensnared in a vortex of confusion and torment. My profound love for the departed Adelle, coupled with lingering regrets, has left my emotional connection to her unfulfilled, making detachment difficult. Concurrently, faced with Aimou's genuine affection, I perceive it as a betrayal of my enduring feelings for Adelle, thereby inducing my resistance towards her."

This introspective thought returned Bologue to a quandary he'd encountered in ancient texts, the classic existential quandary.

This very quandary springs forth from the myriad, unpredictable circumstances of existence that we, as beings endowed with freedom, inevitably confront.

Each individual's journey diverges; each possesses a singular viewpoint and personal convictions. We all navigate phases such as maturation, romance, and the finality of life and death. These encounters sculpt our perspectives and moral compasses, simultaneously imprinting themselves deeply upon the very essence of our spirits.